My New Best Friend, Logan International Airport

So it's been three days since my flight was cancelled and I am here at Logan enjoying the view... of many other people hopping on planes heading to their final destinations. :)

Oh well! Such is life. I've been frequenting Starbucks, making new friends and getting tons and tons of work done.

Not too bad, but I'm finding that I getting pretty sleepy today. A whole bunch of sitting around isn't good to keep the blood flowing. Typing has become my new form of exercise.

Thank the Lord (really!) for Internet access... even when you have to pay the airport for it. And, for friends who are willing to bring you to the airport, take you home with them and bring you back again. I am a blessed girl! :)

I hope to be enjoying a white Christmas sometime in the next day or two.

No Blizzard in Boston

So I'm still in Boston. Yep, I was one of the thousands of people that were "displaced" by the Colorado blizzard. I'm just a girl trying to get home for Christmas! :) Oh well, life could be worse. At least I'm not in some strange city... I just get to travel between my home and the airport... Although, I've yet to have the opportunity to do that just yet... the Denver airport is still closed.

Here's to the potential for standby and all of the nice people I'll meet while waiting...

Wishing you a very Merry Christmas (!) wherever you're at - home, airport, strange city hotel, or anywhere in between.

Jesus, the Messiah, is born!!! Let's celebrate.

Feels Like Spring

I must say that the weather in Boston is delightful... 50+ degrees! And, tomorrow is supposed to be the same. Hard to believe for my third December in the city; it's a totally new experience. :) I'm rather happy and wanted to share.

Magical Boston

Tis the season for beautiful lights, snowflakes, hot cocoa (or a peppermint mocha, you choose!) and Christmas! I love this time of year and living here in Boston causes me to enjoy it even more. Last week, I was in the Common for the lighting of the Christmas tree (yep, they chose to call it a Christmas tree this year instead of a "Holiday" tree); it was sweet to participate in this 65 year-old tradition in the city.

Although, truth be told, my friend and I grew weary in waiting for the actual lighting of the tree (there was a long program before they flipped the switch), so we headed to Newbury to do a little shopping. As we walked back through the Public Garden, bushes and trees began to light up and I exclaimed, "It's so magical!" I know, I'm a dork.

I've been thinking for a couple of weeks now how much I love Boston. I know that I've written that here before, but sometimes it's so striking... Riding the T to the office, crossing over the Charles River on the Longfellow Bridge and seeing the city reflected in the water when it's calm, the changing of seasons, the people and now, the Advent season. Fabulous!

This week, I caught one whopper of a virus and have missed engaging with the real world outside of my apartment. Boy, I've missed the city! Hoping to get back to magical Boston soon...

The Valley of Vision by Arthur Bennett

I was encouraged and challenged by the following words during our "Confession of Sin" at church today:

"Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly,
You have brought me to the valley of vision,
where I live in the depths but see You in the heights;
hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Your glory.
Let me learn by paradox
that the way down is the way up,
that to be low is to be high,
that the broken heart is the healed heart,
that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit,
that the repenting soul is the victorious soul,
that to have nothing is to possess all,
that to bear the cross is to wear the crown,
that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision.
Lord, in the daytime, stars can be seen
from the deepest wells,
and the deeper the wells the brighter Your stars shine.
Let me find Your light in my darkness,
Your life in my death,
Your joy in my sorrow,
Your grace in my sin,
Your riches in my poverty,
Your glory in my valley."

Lately I've been thinking a lot about recognition. I think it's fairly normal to experience some desire to be noticed for the things one accomplishes or the gifts that one has been given. However, when others are given the ability to determine a person's worth in light of these things, every person, I believe, comes up lacking the true and lasting satisfaction of being found worthy as a human. Where do we find our significance? And perhaps more importantly, who determines if we are indeed significant?

Yesterday, I was sharing my thoughts about this with a friend. On a personal note: I have been processing this very thing for a few weeks now. It's not so much the question of where I find my significance or who determines it. For me, both questions are answered in the person of Jesus Christ. He is where I find my significance for life and He tells me that I am significant. I believe Him. BUT I wonder, how do I live this out? You know, it comes back to the faith v. feeling aspect of walking with God.

For instance, I am content where God has me. I love my life - although, it is a bit busy these days. I could not ask for a better job, I have many dear friends and a loving family, and God continually provides for me. Why do I then desire more? Arthur Bennett's words encapsulate this for me... I live in a valley of vision. I see tremendous things from my vantage point and want more. I want to grow, trust, change and experience God's glory in my valley. I want to be more than I am and this leads me to continually strive.

What's funny about this is that the Psalmist instructs, "Cease striving and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10) Another paradox! God wants me to be obedient, to grow, to change, but He is the one that does this in and through me. He does the work! In the valley I look to His glory. It's not about me. And, in light of this truth and the question of recognition, I find that the answer is... It's not about me. It's about Him. His work. His life.

I'm encouraged by this reality because it does mean that I can be content where God has me. I can trust that He is using me the way He desires to and that should He require something else of me, He will move me in that direction, provide what I need to do what He calls me to do and continue to see Him in the midst of it.

God has used the book of Hebrews to encourage me in this as well. The author describes in detail the way in which Jesus is our High Priest explaining that His Priesthood lasts forever. He came to earth and endured everything that we do, but without sin. Therefore, He relates to us perfectly. He understands our weakness and our sin, yet, He doesn't condemn us. Rather, He takes the penalty for our sin upon Himself and brings us to God. He empowers us to lay aside the world's way of living life and embrace the paradox of the Gospel. And, we get to live in the valley of vision.

How Do You Compare? Take the Typing Test

Here's a little insight into my life at work. I work with many men. They love competition (as do I, so it all balances out). Recently, Ryan was discussing this idea of productivity and making the point that if we all typed a little faster, we would be much more productive. I don't disagree with him, but here' s the catch, at least in my opinion: typingtest.com.

Do you know how many times several of us have logged in to improve our productivity recently?...

I'll speak for myself. Many, many times. And, I suppose that's why I am the current TypingTest Champion in the office. 86 WPM and 98% accuracy (cut me some slack, I missed one word). That's for you, Dan. Can't believe you're letting a woman beat you...

For those of you who have yet to experience the thrill of the typing test, log on today and take a typing test of your very own. www.typingtest.com

Rockin'.

Blizzard!

Well, not here in Boston, but back in Colorado my parents are reporting around THREE FEET of snow in their yard. Wow! I must admit, I'm a little jealous. Tomorrow the Boston area is expecting heavy rain and high winds... I think I'd rather it snow. I was supposed to head to the Cape with some friends, but needless to say, we're rescheduling.

It has been a great few weeks though. I am in my busy, busy season and have been working a lot, but I'm excited for the upcoming conferences. It will be encouraging to see the way that God moves in the lives of our students and staff in the next two months.

And, last week, I was excited to get down to New York to spend time with our team there. I enjoyed connecting with three new staff women and just listening as they unpacked their experience thus far in reaching students. Oh, how I remember those early days on campus (not that I'm THAT old or anything, but it seems like a long time ago). I sympathized with them as I remembered how difficult it can be to find balance in the midst of life -- I was thankful for the opportunity to get to know them. It was a great trip.

Blah

What do DVR'd episodes of BBC's "What Not to Wear," soup, lot's of liquids, vitamin C and "The Return of the King" have in common? All are things I've experienced today from my couch. Following my week of work and fun in sunny Colorado I came back home with a little virus. Super exciting.

All is not lost. Thanks to technology I've done a bit of work today and I did make it into the office for a couple key hours. (Not to mention a little trek out to my chiropractor - man, that works wonders!) And, well, I think I'll have a little more tea...

Snow!

This morning I woke up early to catch a flight... back to Boston. When I opened my parents front door in Colorado I was greeted by swirling, twirling, lovely snowflakes! Beautiful. It was the first snow this fall (for them, not in the high country, of course) and I was so happy to be there to experience it firsthand. Ahhh... Snow.

Mommy for the Weekend?

Yes, last weekend I became the "Mommy" - or maybe just the "Auntie." My friends were out of town and I watched two of their three kiddos, the dog, the snake, the bunnies and had out of town company of my own. It was really fun. I was really sleepy after staying up super late with my friends, but especially at 6 AM or so when the sweet doggie wanted to go outside; and, then again at 7 or 7:30 AM when the eight year old wanted me to, "Wake up, Miss Jess!"

I forget that going to Target to spend a gift card can be such an adventure, or watching an animated movie for the second time at the theatre such a big deal, going to McDonalds is super fun, and being picked up on time at school is so important. :) I realized how much work it is to keep a house clean (which I really do care about) with so much going on, getting everyone out the door on time for church, thinking through what other people need to eat - when it's just me I figure I'll get something eventually.... The list goes on and on.

I also loved that the dog followed me around the house. At one point I looked at him and asked, "Why are you following me around, Shel?" And then it occurred to me, "Oh, right... I'm the 'Mommy.'" So sweet. All to say, I can't help but be grateful for mom's! What incredible work they do caring for their kids and keeping their houses together. I'm thoroughly impressed.

Broncos v. Pats

In Foxboro, Sunday, September 24, 2006.

Denver: 17
Pats: 7

I'm a faithful fan... I still bleed Blue & Orange. Sorry Pats, maybe next time.

Whoa! Long Time No Blog

Weeks have passed and I've barely thought about blogging. I'm in my crazy-busy season at work right now and trying to find some down time as I'm able. Life has been good though. Through some recent reflection (caused by my birthday - isn't it funny how it's often one of the few opportunities people seize to think about life and I do it, too), I've realized that I'm growing. It feels good.

It's a relief to grow through patterns and habits that have shaped my life in negative ways and see what is on the other side. Freedom. I know I'm being a bit vague here, but I've been experiencing peace and joy as I've made some healthy choices for my life recently. The process of growth is often challenging, but God has been teaching me much about the value of honesty, authenticity, humility and the blessing of community. It is neat to see how He uses each of these things to bring about change in my life.

I feel encouraged that Jesus continues to meet me in my brokenness and helps me continue to pursue a life lived in light of the Gospel. I've come to the conclusion that I would far rather see my brokenness with eyes WIDE open than ignore it or live without awareness of it and refuse to grow. I've just been praying that God would continue to keep my heart teachable and tender so, when I encounter my humanity and sin, I would choose to embrace the process and grow. It's messy, humbling, exhausting and difficult, but so worthwhile.

Time with friends has also been encouraging lately. I celebrated my birthday with friends that have become dear to me here in Boston, went to the Sox game a couple weeks back with my old friend, Scott Willingham (Great to see you! "Hi" to the fam!) & the McPeople :), had a fabulous work trip to upstate NY where my long-time friend, Ally joined me and then spent a few days on the backside here in Boston, said goodbye to my friend, Phil as he moved away for work and have more friends visiting soon, plus a trip back to my beloved Colorado is on the horizon.

And, that's life as of late. I'll try to update this post with some pictures in the next week or so. Until later.... I hope you're doing well.

A Thing of Beauty

Jesus said to the people, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't be stumbling through the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." -- John 8:12

Our office has become beautiful. In just a weeks' time a woman named Joanne has turned a neutral, fairly boring canvas into a stunning and inviting workspace. It has been fun to watch the process of transformation and join in with her as her ideas and dreams came to fruition.

Today, as things were winding down she said, "Okay Jessica, let's look at your space." I'll admit, I was dying to have her give some direction and thought to the placement of pieces she had suggested that I add in and around my new office. One of the paintings that was originally slated to be in our open area needed a home and she asked if I would like to have it. I was thrilled and as we hung it, she pointed out that the artist had inscribed the reference to the verse above near his signature. Joanne told me that when she discovered this reference, she immediately looked it up and it became her "theme" verse for the project. I thought it very appropriate.

One, the end purpose of the work we do here is that students would understand that Jesus is indeed the light of the world and that they might have life. Life is a beautiful thing. Two, Joanne loves beauty. It drives her. I have been so encouraged and refreshed as my associates and I have had the privilege of working alongside her this week. Not only did she care about the project, she cared about our stories. Both were things of beauty to her.

There is something about beauty that moves me. Maybe you feel the same. As I thought about it in light of this project and my conversations with Joanne, I realized why. The world can be an astoundingly ugly place at times. In the midst of the struggles of life, relationships, and circumstances it is not difficult to despair in the darkness. But light... What does light do? It dispels darkness and allows us to see what is real about life.

To think that Jesus says that HE is the light of the world is a tremendous claim. In fact, if you go on to read beyond that one verse in John 8, you'll see that the Pharisees were quite offended by this. Jesus cared deeply that people would not continue stumbling in the darkness. He wanted them to see the light so they could experience life.

How I long to experience life on Jesus' terms, but I must choose to walk in the light. Often I avoid the life that He so freely offers because I desire to do it my way. What's sad about this is that I miss what is beautiful... Him. He is the light of the world. He lived a sinless life, died a grievous death and rose victoriously that we would experience life and cease stumbling in the darkness. Now that is a thing of beauty.

The Count of Monte Cristo

If you have yet to seize the opportunity to read this classic, I would highly encourage it! I just finished the 1,078-page tale last week and loved it (no abridged version for me). Actually, I already loved the book around page 150 and knew I'd desire to re-read it in the future. I think Dumas is a brilliant story-teller and the themes of justice and mercy were poignant. Let me also add here that the film version falls desperately short in communicating the actual story. I used to like it, in fact, I own it. Upon finishing the book I went back and watched the movie and I'm now thinking of selling it on Amazon... Let me know if you'd be interested in taking it off my hands.

Life After Colorado... Two Years Later

It's official! Today I celebrate two years in Boston and I can hardly believe it. I almost forgot the "anniversary" in the midst of this hectic week, but remembered as I was sorting through documents in my effort to switch offices this afternoon. Two years ago, my Mom, Dad and new teammates were unloading the moving truck into my first apartment out here. It was a crazy day and I remember Judy & Corri (who had just moved here with their families from our old region as well) dropping by in the early afternoon with some flowers and stuff for my place. We all were a little wide-eyed as we talked through the change we all had chosen. It was so strange to think that I'd actually done it... Moved clear across the country, taking on a new role, joining this new team that melded the thoughts, ideas and ministry philosophies of two regions together and leaving everything I knew behind.

It has been quite the adventure and I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to do it. It is hard to imagine what life would be like had I stayed in Colorado. One thing is for certain, this choice has been one of the utmost steps of faith I've taken in my short life and it was a great decision. God has grown me so much through this change. At times I am surprised by how clearly His hand has led me and struck by the grace His has bestowed on me in the challenging times. And, it has been incredible to see His plan for our region unfold as He has caused growth and change in the lives of our staff and students.

Author Janet Hagberg writes, "We do not grow so much by effort or following a formula as we do by being open to the grace of God." When a friend shared this quote with me a few years back I remember the impact it had on my life. I am, by nature, a very formula-driven person. I want things to fit neatly together and to make sense. And, in my relationship with God, I want to feel like I'm measuring up and if I do the right things, then I can experience His grace in my life. If I've learned nothing else in the past two years, I have learned this: it's true, I've grown so much more by simply being open to God's grace in my life than by working hard to "earn" His acceptance. I don't have it all figured out and I've learned that He doesn't expect that from me. He simply wants my heart. In this new city where the rules were all very unfamiliar at one point, I saw that I needed to experience His grace. And, I've grown up in the process of embracing this reality. Its been really, really good.

Things I love about life in Boston:

1. Working in the city in a position where I can grow, with people I like and for a purpose far greater than myself.
2. The Charles River.
3. Friends I've made along the way (some who are still here, others who have already moved away [miss you Bryant's, Anderson's & Almaz!]).
4. Finale for dessert. Stephanies on Newbury for the occasional brunch. Solas/Elephant Castle/The Kinsale for good pub food. Sam LaGrassa's for the reuben. Sebastians/Cosi for a good salad. Naked Fish for seafood. Mariposa Bakery in Central Square for the best mocha I've yet to find in Boston. The list goes on and on! Food is a good thing...
5. My church! CityLife is gospel-centric and the people are authentic. I feel blessed to have "landed" there.
6. My apartment. If you've been there, you know why. I love it...
7. The city and the people in it. Boston is so diverse. I really appreciate seeing and interacting with people who are different than me.
8. The Public Garden in the spring and summer. Fenway anytime. The Boston Public Library in Copley... Oh, I have a book that's overdue... whoops!

I still listen to my favorite Colorado radio station online, miss my family and friends and long to see a sunset over the Rockies throughout the week, but I love my Boston life. Who knows how long I'll be here... When people ask I simply say, "Until the Lord tells me otherwise." In the meantime I hope to thrive and grow by being transformed by the gospel and loving God and others. Here's to the first two years of growth and change and the hope for a tremendous "Year No. Three." Cheers.

Where has the Time Gone?

Tomorrow marks week three in my return to Boston and life has been more busy and complicated than I would have thought. Futato! (That is for my Florida friends) Blogging has not been on the top of the priority list. To be honest, I haven't had much to say in the past three weeks for a number of reasons. Don't worry, life is good. God is good. If anything, I feel strongly that God used my time in Florida to prepare me for the things I would face upon my return to Boston. He is truly generous and gracious.

My friends Kyle and Emily sent me some photos from our time down south today and it reminded me of my desire to unpack some of what I learned there here on the ol' blog. One of the many things that I've continued to process is the reality of, if you will, God's bigness. I have enjoyed looking at the Bible as ONE story. The story of God's glory and our redemption from Genesis to Revelation. I have been encouraged as I have understood how much God truly loves people and in spite of His highness, He has chosen to come down to our level through the person of Christ, that we would know Him personally and have a relationship with Him. It is amazing to me that God would choose to reveal Himself to us in ways we can understand because He wants to have a relationship.

Now, these aren't new ideas or thoughts, but what has become more beautiful to me about these truths is seeing how it really matters and plays out in my life. In light of understanding who God is in light of His story, how much more do I desire to love Him, serve Him, trust Him and obey Him! After all, He is the only one who is worthy of my worship and of my life. Yet, I have many idols. I see this clearly in my life. It is frustrating at times to recognize that I fail to truly walk with God because I choose other things over Him. I have other priorities, I obey other masters and honestly, I am self-centered.

While away, I had many great conversations, but one that I'm still mulling over today. One night I was talking with a friend whom I have come to respect greatly about God's call to those who love Him in paraphrase: if you love Me, keep my commandments. He and I talked about how simple it seems to be... If I love God, I will keep/obey His commandments. Yet, living in light of this by choosing to obey is often a different story. What's interesting is that obeying God stems from a life that loves God. If you love Me... Obey...

One of the things he expressed really struck me and here's a little snipet of what I took away from it. In the church today we are very focused on the truth that Christ loves us. In fact, we talk about grace and mercy frequently. These things are true of the gospel. What is often left out however, is the reality that, coupled with grace, God calls believers to a higher standard. If we have indeed chosen Christ - we have a relationship with Him - we have embraced grace and mercy through His life, death and resurrection - we are called to be disciples. What does this look like?

Well, a lot of things actually. In the New Testament we see that Jesus promises suffering to those who follow Him. We are called to be like Christ, to grow, to willingly submit to Him and to one another. Now, don't get me wrong.... I'm not saying that we need to look for things like suffering, because honestly, God brings these things into our lives for the purpose of sanctification. God desires that we would be like Christ and it's not an easy process. BUT, it is a worthy process.

Moreso, as he and I continued to talk, it was neat to hear his perspective on desiring to love God and obey His commands. Isn't this what the Christian life is all about? God has done, continues to do, really, incredible things on our behalf. He is the Almighty. He is Sovereign. He has created all that we see and know. He sought a way to redeem us when we utterly turned away from Him so that we would not be utterly forsaken. He is life. He is King.

I reflect on these things and I cannot help but desire to love Him. He is so worthy of my love and devotion and not because of what He has done so much as because of who He is. His actions demonstrate the truth of who He is at the core. Obedience stems from this place of love for Him. Why would I want to disobey God when He has the best way? I mean, to disobey means that I think my way is better. I know more. I have the plan. But the truth is, I am broken because of my sin and realistically, I am finite. I don't know all. I am not all powerful. So, why would I desire anything else?

That's a great question. But, I do. This is the struggle of the Christian life. Why do I do what I do given that Christ has given me everything? Why? I'm torn between my flesh and the Spirit that dwells in me. Why does Paul tell us in Romans 6, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ²By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

I long to live this new life. I don't want a watered down faith that doesn't give me the full picture. I am forgiven. Christ did the work. He lived a perfect life, died a horrible death on that cross taking the sin of the world upon Himself and He rose again to bring new life. I need to live in light of this sacrifice. Loving God and obeying His commands. It still sounds simple and I know it's not.

Thinking it over these past weeks has caused me to consider once again the power of the Spirit-filled life. I am unable to do these things on my own and it's why Jesus sent the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, so that we would be able to live in light of our freedom and obey God. That we would choose rightly. Wisely. And, that in loving God, we would keep His commandments. I find that I'm encouraged to know that God desires for me to keep His commands and that He provides a way for me to do it. It's not a perfect process for me in life. I still sin. I fail. Yet, as I am being sanctified, I have hope. One day, I will be glorified. The sufferings of this present time will cease and I will meet Jesus face to face.

It's amazing. What a faith! What a hope!

I'm sure there is more to share and I'll try to do it sometime soon.

Goodbye Orlando, Hello Boston

4:00 AM Saturday morning came early (especially since I failed to sleep except for a brief 30 minute nap I took before meeting the taxi) and I found myself on the way to the Orlando airport. I was exhausted and sad as I left. I've included some pictures of the friends I've made. Undoubtably, there will be more at some point. Forgive me for not putting captions, but I figure you might like the "Where's Waldo-esq" search for me and others you may know... What an incredible month away! It was hard to leave it behind. Goodbye Orlando!

Flying back into Boston, my dear friends, Alex & Ging picked me up at Logan, brought me flowers, a Starbucks gift card and whisked me away to a fabulous lunch... Does it get any better than that? I have such AMAZING friends. And, I said "Hello" to Boston once again.

I feel like I'm still in a fog of adjustment and realizing, "No, Jess, it is not a dream." (Don't worry, I typically speak of myself in the third person.) It's probably funny to say this, but even in this haze, I can see that I'm changed somehow. God met me in such tremendous ways during my time away. I'm still processing through it, trying to make sense of it, yet enjoying the mystery for the moment.

I'm looking forward to what I'll uncover and as I said in my last post, anxious to share some of that with you. For now, it's good to be home, I am missing my Florida life and friends, and I'm excited to see what God has in store as I, once again, focus on where He has me.

Back to School

My life has been a little crazier than normal these past two weeks (if you know me and can even imagine :) )... When you think Winter Park, potentially, you think Colorado because it actually snows there, you can ski and it simply makes logical sense to call it that; but alas, I'm in Winter Park, Florida at present taking several seminary courses. Its been a balmy 80 - 90 degrees on average with high humidty and its rained almost daily - I'm getting used to it. The weather aside, I'm really enjoying my time here.

Last week, I completed my first two courses - Biblical Interpretation and Old Testament Survey. I have been tremendously challenged and encouraged through both. It feels like the Lord just handed me a gift of a month to be refreshed in unexpected ways, to delve deeply into His Word and to learn more about who He is and His love and plan for humankind. I've really appreciated the way God has shown me, through these classes, things that I have never known about Him before. To be honest, I have been surprised at times. Growing up in the church and embracing a personal relationship with Christ at a young age has afforded me a lot of "knowledge" about my faith and what the Bible tells me about who God is, yet this summer I've seen so many connections throughout the whole of Scripture that I didn't know existed. I hope to unpack that sometime soon on here. Its been really fun.

I'm finding some "down" time with friends that are here, as well. It has been such a blessing to process all I'm learning with these fellow staff members and to be away from life per normal for a while. I do miss Boston which continues to be a great realization. I'm thankful that I'm continuing to feel more and more at home there and will be excited to return in a few weeks.

Hopefully, I will move into more detail about some of what I'm processing soon, but for now I'll leave it at this: I'm experiencing a greater understanding of how Jesus Christ really is the prize. He's not a way to achieve what I think I need or want, but He is what I need and what I want. More on that later...

Fenway Pahk

June 11th marked my third trip to Fenway to watch the Sox since moving to Boston. Unfortunately, it wasn't their best moment in time, but I was in a box (courtesy of the wonderful people at the Sheraton), so I was handling the situation well. If you have ever been to Fenway, you know what a great ballpark it is. And, thanks to weeks of rain here in Boston, the field at Fenway was greener than ever (in comparison, the Green Monster even looked a little pale). Thankfully, the weather was gorgeous, the food was delicious (I had my "I'm at a baseball game hot dog") and the company unrivaled. Here are a few pics from the day.

Ry & Al enjoying their first game at Fenway

Al, Ging & I taking a break from the game for a photo-op

Alex focused on the game - I love this shot!

I'm so thrilled that Alex lives here!!

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ: His Power

Last night after my meeting, I took some time to read John Piper's book, Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. What an incredible read. I will be delving into the book again in a few weeks as part of the coursework I am taking this summer, but wanted to get ahead of the game. The book, in its entirety, was challenging and I found myself wondering... Do I really see and savor Jesus Christ? Do I value him above all things? Do I understand his worth?

It was intriguing to reflect on the reality that he is the end all of all. He is the prize. Everything that I do as a believer is with this aim: to know the glory of Jesus Christ and to be satisfied in him. I find this both exciting and difficult. Why? Simply because it's tremendous to realize that my faith is not about me, but him; at the same time, this is an awkward truth because on one level or another I really want it to be about me.

One of my favorite sections of the book was Piper's chapter entitled, "The Waves and the Winds Still Know His Voice: The Power of Jesus Christ." I was moved by the prayer at the end and wanted to share it with you.

A Prayer

O Lord, the suffering in the world is so widespread and the pain is so great! Have mercy, and waken the souls of suffering millions to the hope of some relief now and unsurpassed joy in the age to come. Send your church, O God, with relief and with the word of the Gospel that there is forgiveness of sins through faith in Christ and that no suffering here is worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to the children of God. Protect your church, Father, from callous thoughts about calamities that leave millions destitute, and protect her also from cowing to critics, like Job's wife, who cannot trust the wisdom and power and goodness of Christ in the midst of inexplicable misery. Oh, help our unbelief. Incline our hearts to your Word and to its assurances that you "work all things according to the counsel of your will" and that "no purpose of yours can be thwarted" and that you are doing good and acting wisely in ways that we cannot now even dream. Keep us in peace, O Lord, and forbid that we murmur and complain. Grant us humble and submissive hearts under your mighty hand. Teach us to wait and watch for your final and holy purposes in all things. Grant that we would "rejoice in hope" even when present circumstances bring us to tears. Open the eyes of our hearts to see the greatness of our inheritance in Christ, and send us with tender hands to touch with mercy the miseries of the world. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

When I read this, I felt like, "God, let this be true of my life as a believer" -- that I would consider the power of Christ in the present and seek to be a vessel of mercy and hope to a world that experiences such hardship and focuses on the negative. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we, the church, actually lived our lives like this? Imagine the power of Christ, of the Gospel, going out to the broken world we live in and how the world would change... How we would change. Now, that would be something.

Breathtaking Vermont

Yesterday I took my first trip to Vermont. All I can say is, "Wow." It is a strikingly beautiful place. Unfortunately, I did not have my camera with me, so I have no pictures to offer here. I must admit that although it is quite different from Colorado, it reminds me of home. Though, the mountains have much softer edges than the Rockies and are blanketed by gorgeous trees. I felt like I was in a painting. And, driving down the meandering roads, sunroof open, windows down, I thought to myself, "This is why turbo engines were invented." Let's just say that I enjoyed the time in my Volvo. I cannot wait to go back during peak foliage this fall.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my Bro! First to reach 30... Awesome.

Psalm 42 and 43

Here is the passage I spoke of in "The Causes and the Cures" post.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon -- from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me -- a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42


Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; rescue me from deceitful and wicked men. You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 43

The Causes and the Cures

Do you ever watch the lives of your friends, listen to what they say about what is really happening in their worlds and it takes you to a place of introspection where you think deeply about your own life and faith? This is where I have been the last few days. It has been an interesting process of wondering, grieving and being reminded of well, hope, really.

Life is challenging. We become comfortable in what can be referred to as 'the ideal', so much so that at times, I think we forget what is real. Perhaps we wish to please everyone around us. Maybe we wish that things would just go back to the way they were at a happier, or less complicated point along the journey.

Sometimes along the way, we look in the mirror and don't recognize or understand the person that we see. And, we wonder, "If I don't know, who else does?" It's a paradox. We want to be known, but we don't. We are afraid of being seen for what we are. Why? Well, I suppose there are millions of reasons. And yet, faith comes into question as we explore whom or what it is that we have become. What is it that I believe? Why aren't I free? Who am I? What does this mean for me? What does it mean to the world?

My question is: Why hide? How does that benefit you? How does that change the world?

On Sunday, my Pastor, Dr. Stephen Um, gave a tremendous message on spiritual depression. He focused on the text in Psalm 42 & 43 where the writer is distressed and questioning the very things that I have seen a couple friends dealing with in recent time. Perhaps I'll add another post and write out the full text in a moment. What is interesting to me about these two Psalms is the honesty and longing that is clearly portrayed in his words.

Dr. Um talked about causes and cures for spiritual depression and I wanted to write some of what he said here.

Causes for Spiritual Depression:
1. Community Deprivation
- Living life with a "tourist" mentality and not choosing to view oneself as a resident. Determining to be in exile, to refuse to initiate and engage with others by making a choice to live in exile. The question asked is, "Why invest?"

As I thought about this after church, I wondered... Why is this dangerous? We fail to remember the VALUE of community. We forget that we MUST choose to engage with others for our own benefit. When we remove ourselves from others by living in light of the 'ideal' (how I wish things were), rather than the 'real' (what is true and what choice I have to live my life in the midst of present circumstances), we experience loneliness and we aren't known. We're not giving others the opportunity to know us.

2. Lack of Employment
- Ultimately, our identity is not in what we do; however, if we view our lives as, or believe that the contribution we are making is, insignificant, we are prone to be despondent. For instance, if we find ourselves in a position where we didn't expect to find ourselves or do not want to be in for the long haul, we lose heart.

3. External Opposition from Adversaries or the Enemy
- Perhaps we find ourselves in a "season of accusation" where we feel we cannot win. Something is wrong on every side. There is potential to find ourselves asking,
"Why me?"
"Where is God?"
"Why have I been forgotten?"
And, eventually, we will buy into the lies. We will believe that God has forgotten us, that He doesn't care, that we have lost favor or love or any number of things.

Now, onto the cures. These are really insightful.

1. Stop Listening to Yourself and Start Talking to Yourself
- Preach the gospel to your own heart. You cannot let yourself set the agenda for what you will choose to believe (the ideal). Eventually, you will start believing yourself and of course you are going to be spiritually depressed, bitter, and discouraged. Allow the gospel to send the agenda. Ask, "What is in line with the gospel?" Take time to reflect on what is true.

2. Put Your Hope in God
- Jesus received utter loneliness, abandonment and was completely forsaken by taking on our sin and the brokenness of the world. He was ultimately opposed. Yet, He endured this so that we would not be utterly lonely, abandoned, forsaken, opposed or broken. There is hope.

3. Praise Him
- Christ did all of this on our behalf. He loved us that much to endure such suffering.

Dr. Um went on to say this, "This is the moment to engage, to speak to yourself... During spiritual deprivation." I thought this was so powerful in light of the things I'm seeing these friends endure. God has not forsaken them, forgotten them or lost hold of them. He is about the business of freeing them from the ties that bind.

This inspired me to hope this weekend. Knowing that God is big enough and completely faithful to engage in the process He has them in. What's more is that as I reflected on my life and faith I realized that the Lord has often met me in times like these. He has moved me from doubt, insecurity and bondage to freedom. And, with all of my heart, I believe He will do the same for them.

Cape Considerations

Yesterday, I made my first trip down to Cape Cod. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job? I am trying to determine what venue will host a new conference my team is planning for next spring, so I headed down to look at a couple options. The hotel I stayed at last night was so gracious and generous... They gave me a room right on the ocean!

Last night, I tossed and turned. It was raining and I've been suffering from a head cold for a few days now that kept me up and blowing my nose frequently throughout the night. This morning, I awoke early to more rain. I was a bit disappointed since I was hoping to sit out on the deck or go for a walk and spend some time with the Lord. But, being the eternal optimist that I am, I made the best of it and went to the dining room for breakfast.

Sitting by the window, I looked out on the ocean which has taken on a cloudy blue-gray-green color this morning and just watched as the waves rolled to and fro. I'm always amazed by the ocean. I think it's one of the most beautiful and mysterious things that God created. Mostly, I'm intrigued by the reality of the creatures that live in it and how the water acts as a barrier and connection between continents. Pretty remarkable.

At any rate, while at breakfast, I took some time to read Psalm 27 and I Peter. In Psalm 27, I came across something I hadn't noticed before. David is talking about God's faithfulness throughout this passage and in verse 8 he says:

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming." NTL

This struck me. I really do believe that God desires for me to come and talk with Him. It is what having a relationship is about... Knowing Him and being known. This is done through communication. BUT, how often do I allow busyness or circumstance to distract me from doing just that.

The reason I took on the conferences role in my region was for a similar purpose... to allow students to get away from the distractions of daily life and meet with the Lord. It's funny how I forget my own need for this. And, here I am, working on another conference and being pulled away from my daily life to sit and read these words.

I went on to read I Peter, but went back and reread Chapter 1:18-21 where he writes,

For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. He paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. God chose him for this purpose long before the world began, but now in these final days, he was sent to the earth for all to see. And he did this for you. Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And because God raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory, your faith and hope can be placed confidently in God. NLT

I haven't read this passage from the New Living Translation before, but love the wording, "God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life..." Isn't that true? Without Christ, my life is empty. Honestly, I do think about that sometimes. What would I do if I didn't know Christ? I cannot imagine how I would have hope in this world. And, I am humbled and grateful as I reflect on the high price that Christ paid to bring me a confident hope. What's greater is that it's not all for me, but for every person who chooses to embrace Christ.

It's interesting... at breakfast, while reading all of this, a sweet guy from Jamaica was my server. He and I chatted a bit and I discovered that he just moved up to the Cape a few weeks ago to earn money for his family. They aren't with him... They're back home. He won't see them until December. And, he went on to tell me that his little four year-old continues to cry in his absence. Obviously, his sacrifice is not on the same level as that of Christ, BUT he is suffering for the sake of his family. He is trying to make a better way for them, so their lives won't be empty. When he dropped off my bill at the table, I opened the little folder-thing and on the inside cover he had inscribed, "Prayer." I don't know if he is a Christian, but I imagine that "prayer" is the way he is moving through this time away.

It is a good reminder for me today. One, to know that God desires to meet with me and two, that through His Son, Christ, I am granted access to do that. In a culture where we do view suffering as something to avoid, I find myself very grateful today for the suffering of one. Who, through His suffering, brought everlasting hope to a world where we do find ourselves living the empty lives we inherit from our ancestors. Praise God that there is more to this life.

Inevitability

This morning I went to have my tire repaired. Yay! Fred is restored to his former glory. While waiting, I called my Mom to wish her a very happy birthday. As we were chatting she informed me that my Dad cleaned out the garage and completed the set-up of her weight equipment yesterday. She was thrilled. For the first time in close to 19 years, she can park her car in the garage (Dad got a new building last year for all of his stuff and she's been waiting...). She went on to say, "Last night I parked George in the garage!!!"

And, upon hearing this, I realized something: no wonder I have named my car and my house plants!

I am now more certain than ever... I am becoming my mother.

Ode to Tires, Flat Tires

Do you remember that commercial that said something to the effect of, "Parents: It's 10:00 PM, do you know where your children are?" Right around 10 PM, I dropped my friend Christina off after a seeing a movie and eating yummy Thai food. From there, I headed home... you know, a mere 9 miles ... It's now 12:45 AM. I just walked in the door.

Now, I was winding through the streets of, nay, the obstacle course called Boston tonight and was just about to hop onto 93 North when, at approximately 10:10 PM, my poor Fred (the Volvo!) ran over a "raised" manhole cover surreptitiously placed in the middle of the street. Needless to say, upon impact, it didn't sound good.

What is a "raised" manhole cover, you wonder? I believe the best description is the following: while constantly remodeling, recreating, deleting and re-adding streets in Boston, workmen sometimes strip down the pavement leaving manhole covers highly exposed until their work is completed. At this point, they bring the pavement up to meet the manhole cover creating a smooth driving surface for all Boston area commuters. Unfortunately for said commuters, they must drive on the surface throughout the process.

So, the sound... it wasn't good. I rolled down my window (mind you, I'm at the entrance to 93 North) and see that my front tire is done. I manage to pull Fred onto a nearby side street and get out to view the damage. I experience the following:

1. A taxi driver lays on his horn... I am in his way.
2. I give said taxi driver a piece of my mind (boy, I'm feeling like a local now).
3. Several ambulances, police cars and yes, a fire engine or two have to squeeze by Fred because of some emergency happening down the street.
4. I see a "non-scary" guy walking nearby as I pull over and ask for his help.
5. He actually does! Thank you, Ryan!
6. All goes smoothly until Ryan gets to the lug nuts. They weren't going anywhere.
7. I remember that my insurance covers roadside assistance (note to the reader: this is a good thing to remember at times like this), but of course, where is the number?…
8. Call placed to roommate, Kim. She finds auto insurance file, telephone number and I am on my way home... hopefully soon.
9. The road side assistance number is helpful, but they want to know the cross streets ... Hello, have you ever been to Boston?
10. I successfully figure out where I am.
11. They're on their way in a mere 35 minutes (it is now 11:07 PM).
12. Ryan leaves and then comes back to check on me (no worries! I'm on a well-lit corner) chats for a bit and heads out to meet friends. Ryan is just 20 and a student at BC seeking to earn his degree in Business Management. Sweet guy.
13. Waiting...
14. Waiting...
15. Help arrives... Two more guys (decked out in Red Sox gear) walking down the street who think that Ryan was a "wimp" since he was unable to undo the lug nuts. Apparently, they know cars.
16. They don't have much better luck.
17. Yay! Road assistance arrives. Spare is put on, instructions given, paperwork filled out, and I am on my way... to the gas station. It's now 12:10 AM.

Yes, did I mention that I'm lame and did not plan enough time in to get gas prior to my fun evening out? I wasn't in complete danger, but it wouldn't have surprised me if I ran out tonight. Anyway, long story short... I learned from the Road Assistance Friend that the city would more than likely reimburse me for my tire. What in the world?! Believe me, I'm not complaining. I just thought, "Now this, this is a good system!" I’ll let you know how that goes.

Needless to say, after all of this, I so appreciate that chivalry is not dead. It was really sweet of these guys to check in and help. Thanks, guys! I guess it’s just nice to know that there are “Good Samaritans” here in Boston.

Free from the Facade

At the core, Stu Shepard and I have a lot in common. A few years ago I sat down with friends to take in the film Phone Booth. It was a powerful 90 minutes as I discovered how much this story had to say about the crisis of identity that we, in our culture face. I watched as a man, faced with the truth of who he was apart from all pretenses, openly admitting his weakness to the world, discovering what was truly real and important to him in life. It is a story that has stayed with me.

In my life, I’ve invented and reinvented myself. At times, I have chosen to become what I believe others want to see. After all, I wonder, who truly wants to know the real me? I am a Christian, living in an individualistic society finding that I have a much skewed perspective on the value of true community. I often hide the truth of who I am from others. The question is: what is it that I fear?

Late in the film, we find Stu admitting, “…I have just been dressing up as something I'm not for so long, I'm so afraid no one will like what's underneath. But here I am, just flesh and blood and weakness…” Like Stu, my greatest fear is that others will unearth what is true of me. I sin. I am weak. I don’t have it all together. And, in seeing the truth, that people will reject me. So, instead of choosing honesty, authenticity, and vulnerability, I lie about myself because it feels safe.

Never in my life have I found this place satisfying. Rather, I feel bound to my lies, to the facades that I’ve created and emptiness resounds in my heart because I am not known. How thankful I am that the gospel dispels this image I’ve created, and not only that, but that Christ embraces, loves and speaks truth to me in the midst of my facade. He calls me out into community as apart of the redemption process. He continues to show me what is true, “The good news is: you are more sinful and flawed than you ever dared believe yet you can be more accepted and loved than you ever dared hope at the same time because Jesus Christ lived and died in your place.” (www.redeemer.com)

It is also in understanding that others struggle with divulging what is true about them that frees me to step out in faith, leading in authenticity. I want to be apart of transformational community where, as those in Acts 2:42-47 experienced, they received the gospel, broke bread together, shared all in common, gave to those in need, and watched God grow the church as people came to faith. The longer I walk with Christ, the more I am able to recognize that, in order to experience this type of community, I must be the one who chooses to be real. No one else can do this for me. When I let others in, I find depth, intimacy and the ability to continually choose freedom. It is in this place that I experience the grace and truth of the gospel together and find deep satisfaction in the person of Christ.

Back to Blogging

It is 4 PM and I've been chin-deep in paper for the past 5 hours. Thankfully, no serious papercuts to report. So, I decided to take a little break and think about my blog. I've just recently returned to Boston and have found myself so happy to be home once again. I missed the Charles, my commute to the office, the doormen at the Omni saying their daily, "Good morning" as I pass by, my Barista (who I found to be in a rather cheerless state this morning - poor guy), the security man downstairs who I always chit-chat with, I'm sure I could go on, but I'll stop rambling. You get the idea. I'm glad to be back.

My two weeks away were very fruitful and went just the way I had hoped (both for work and vacation). And, I missed the rain that covered Boston for what, more than a week?... Very, very good. But, all good things must come to an end, or so they say. So, I am back and finding good things here once again. It is greener than ever! The McReynolds, the dearest of friends, are moving here in a week! I'm going to the Sox game on the 11th! And, I'm just finding the time to catch up with friends here that I missed so much. All good.

I mentioned before I left that I was going to visit my grandparents while I was away. Hopefully I'll post some pics of them sometime soon... Depends how quickly my Dad figures out his new camera and gets those to me (:)), but let me just say, they are cute! You won't want to miss it! I'm still exhausted from the time change and travel - I've been up until 1:30 and 2:00 AM the last two nights - so, I'm a little slow on the uptake this week. Be kind.

Other than that, well, I don't know. I forgot to post the article on community and will get to that momentarily. I was only allowed 500 words (and, of course I went over...), so it's a little limited and perhaps I'll add to it eventually. That said, please let me know your thoughts... Until later...

Mile High Love

Ah, Colorado! What a lovely place it is! Several weeks ago I wasn't super enthusiastic about my upcoming trip. I know it sounds ridiculous, after all, it is Colorado, but two weeks away from Boston seemed long, especially when I'll be away for a good portion of the summer. But, as they say, timing is everything. My last few weeks have been so crazy, especially in preparation for this excursion and at the beginning of this week, I suddenly felt ready to go.

I'm excited to get out of Massachusetts for a couple of weeks and see family, friends and the amazing Rockies! There is something about going to a place that is most familiar, a place where you don't have to think about where you're going because you know it well, you know people and are known by them. It is refreshing to simply be there.

My schedule will be demanding though as I'm trusting the Lord to connect me with new partners in ministry. I've felt encouraged as I have continued to work diligently for this trip. God is so faithful and has opened new doors, giving me opportunities to share what he is doing through my ministry here in the Northeast. I've seen such willingness on the part of friends there to help me and to meet with me. I'm very grateful. God is good.

The second "leg" of my journey lands me in Northern California visiting my sweet Grandparents. I haven't seen them for several years and it is always a treat. I'm looking forward to this most unscheduled and relaxing few days. I get to travel with my parents and have some good time with them, too. That's really fun!

I am working on an article on "community" and might post it here in the next couple of days, but other than that, not so sure when I'll be blogging... So, until later...

For My Sister, Jackie, on Her Birthday!!!

It's May Day! And, birthday time once again! My baby sister is growing up! Quacker, here are a couple songs for you, from me, with wishes for peace and harmony :) ... I couldn't decide which song to sing for you, so here's a sampling (either: hold down left mouse button & Ctrl button simultaneously or just click on the link... you should be good to go - should open fine with Media Player, etc). I think the last one might be my very favorite. Enjoy!

The Beatles

Happy Birthday to You, You're So Young

Happy, Happy Birthday Baby

Happy Birthday times 3!

We Love You, You're Number One

Birthday Fun

Ging, Ramona, Brooke & Me

My friend Ginger had a birthday a week ago and we "surprised" her (although I use this term very loosely - if you know her or ever meet her you can ask her why) with a party complete with karaoke in Boston. Fun times... I mean, I'm not much of the karaoke type, but a great time spent with friends and celebrating her birthday. And, if you read my ESFJ profile you know that I love birthdays and celebrations. :)

Here is a sampling of photos from the evening.

Ging & Christy. Happy Birthday, Girl!

Me, Phil & Kim. Random looks. Seriously, what's up with that?

Ramona & Thon singing along... This was in the private room we had for a while. Bowman, you're really into this!

Ashie & Barry. Singing in the big room with all of the people. Nice background.

Here's to a great year, Ging! Happy, Happy Birthday! Hope it's the best yet.

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ESFJ Profile: If you want to know me better - the good, bad and interesting, check out more on me, an ESFJ! I love this stuff!

Blue Skies Smiling at Me

So, I mentioned on Monday that I hoped to be able to write a blog entitled, "Blue Skies Smiling at Me" by the end of the week, and alas, the very next day it was sunny again in Boston. Thrilling. It's been gorgeous the past few days and I have been inside in meetings for the majority of the week. Fabulous. Truthfully though, it has been really great.

My good friend and my boss, Ryan has been in town for planning meetings and our Day of Prayer this week and it's been great having him here. We've all been waiting quite some time for he and his wife, Alex and their family to make the move from Colorado. Just a few short weeks and they will be living here - check out their cool new house: click here!! I can't wait! It's been tremendous to take some initial steps this week and plan with him for our largest regional conference without the use of the phone.

That said, I'm exhausted. It has been such a long week, with very little sleep and I'm looking forward to a little down-time this weekend. This is the moment when I wish that it was Saturday already. Almost there...

Praying for the City

Every year Campus Crusade sets aside two specific days to pray as a ministry. Yesterday, our Regional Team here in Boston was joined by our University of Connecticut staff, spending a good portion of the day in prayer. Now, that may sound like a lot - to spend a day praying, but our time together was really sweet for me.

The first part of the day was spent listening to a message on God's love for the city by Tim Keller of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in NYC. I was impacted by the reality that God created cities, that cities have much to offer and that God loves and has much to offer the city. People, in cities, he said at one point, are spiritually hungry and open to the gospel (my rough translation from memory). This is something I've considered before, but haven't really internalized.

When we headed out to walk around Boston and pray a while later, I took this message with me. My friends and colleagues, Ryan and Leela and I headed to Boston's South End, back through Back Bay, through the Common and finally to our office in the Financial District. It shouldn't be surprising how much my awareness grew as we walked through the streets asking God to bless this city, the people, opening up doors for the gospel and asking Him for wisdom as to how we could best serve, love and reach out to the people here.

I had such a sense of a need for freedom as I looked into the eyes and faces of the people we passed. You know, it's amazing what you see when you look. Naturally, there were men and women who looked happy, content, still others who seemed discouraged, bothered, stressed and honestly, others who looked lost (and I don't just mean the tourists :) ). I was thinking as we walked and prayed... "God, what will it really take for you to move here?... What do you need to accomplish in my heart and life for me to 'get it' - to know how to minister here?"

It occurred to me yesterday that as a believer, I often think that I need to solve the problem. People are lost, they need Jesus, end of story. But, God didn't design life like a math equation where A + B = C. Life is much more complicated and much less black and white than that. It is true... every single human being has a need for Christ because every single human lives with the reality called 'Sin' - and, we need a Savior to transform us at the very core. Where I often miss the point in my own life, however, is the moment where I place myself in the Savior's shoes.

My friend, Rich tells a story that illustrates my true role much better... Some time ago, he took his kids to a water park. He was watching the youngest in the wadding pool and turned, for a split second, to make a remark to a friend. When he turned back, he couldn't see Brynn. He began to look everywhere, as you can imagine, becoming more panicked as the moments passed. As he ran through the complex, he spotted a park worker holding Brynn's hand, walking toward him. She was crying, of course and Rich ran to meet her, scooped her up in his arms and hugged her tightly. He always goes on to explain that, as believer's, this is our job... connecting lost kids with their Dad.

I love this story - I tear up every time I think of it actually. I am in the midst of a huge city. God knows each and every person here intimately. He created them. He desires to be in relationship with every man and woman and child. Each individual is in process (not in an equation) and on a spiritual journey whether it is leading toward Him or away. My job isn't to solve their problem - "Here, have this nice bandage I like to call 'Turn to God and the rest will be okay,'" but rather, to come alongside people, share in their lives, let them in mine and offer the story of my process with Christ and how He has redeemed my life and has done the same for them. How does this play out? ...I'm still working on that! But, I think it has to do with giving of my time, my heart, my energy to others. Not just being "all talk" but about doing as well.

There are many things that make me uncomfortable about this. In fact, it's mostly because I feel insecure - what do I have to offer? What if I can't relate? What if I disagree with how they live their life? Well, that sounds an awful lot like it's about me, doesn't it? My hope is that as God changes my heart, my response will be more like, "Lord, help me to be your hands and feet in this city. Give me the ability to love, to speak grace and truth together (!) as you would, to be less concerned with myself and more concerned with others. Father, help me to go places that no one else is willing to go to share the truth of your grace."

God loves this city. I love God. Loving God moves me to love the city. How's that for an equation.

Here Comes the Rain Again

Really, what a strange song, but a fitting title to this week! Its been gloomy in Boston for the last few days and although I know we need the rain, I keep thinking, "Can't it be sunny?" My friend, Alex lives for days like this - she feels super energized and productive. I'm the opposite - lethargic and bummed out. : ) You'd think I'd get more done in the office since I don't have the sun and the tourists distracting me. Only if it were true! Case in point: it's the middle of the day and I'm taking a break to blog.

On the positive side of the weather, when I reached the city I found the streets happily bare of people. Mostly just a few men and women scattered about in their suits heading to lunch (oh, right... didn't come in until about noon today). Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled that people love to visit Boston - I can't blame them, it's a great city; what I don't love is how they stop every three steps in front of me to look at the sites. Big groups are my favorite... Everyone looking up or down or this way or that. Never aware of the people who live here that need to be somewhere important... like their neighborhood Starbucks getting their morning or afternoon cup of Joe (and, here's to those hardworking Baristas! It wouldn't be a terrific latte without a little conversation with Jason & Constantine and their famous last words, "See you tomorrow!"). But, I digress (picture a smile here).

Speaking of fabulous Baristas... Honestly, they're awesome! I was just about to cross the street into my building today and there was Constantine, on lunch delivery duty for his other job... I just found that out today. He's must be such a busy guy! But, you know, he says, "Where have you been?" I say, "Oh, not working so much from the office these days." We chatted for a few minutes, he told me he liked my earrings - he says it every time I go into Starbucks - asked about life and work, and then as he was saying goodbye, added, "See you tomorrow... at Starbucks!" Boy, I'm telling you, it's like I'm creating my own little version of Cheers here. And, well, how appropriate given that I live in Boston.

So, that's a lot of randomness from yours truly today, but I guess after a super eventful weekend I'm a bit sleep deprived. And, it's Monday... The week is looking good and busy. I hope by the time it's over I'll have a new blog entitled, "Blue Skies Smiling at Me!"

Ode to Hard Drives

Don't you love it when your hard drive crashes and you have to get a new one, reload your operating system, drivers, all of your software and reconfigure programs like Outlook?... Not to mention, getting all of your "stuff" back in the right place? Boy, do I have a lot of stuff. Let's just say that this has been my week. :) I will be back to blogging sometime soon in case you're reading this and happened to mention it to me.

As Easter Approaches...

This past Sunday at church, we closed our time by singing this song by Stuart Townend. My eyes teared as I sang and meditated on the truth of what he captured in these words - the story of what Christ did for the world, for me. And, as we approach Good Friday and Easter this week, I couldn't think of a better way to reflect on Christ's work on the cross than by focusing again on this... I am so thankful that, "His wounds have paid my ransom."

HOW DEEP THE FATHER'S LOVE FOR US
Written by Stuart Townend

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon a cross
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life -
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts no power no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

While I'm at It...

A little 'shout out' to Paul and Linds. It was so great seeing you in Madison a few weeks ago... Thanks so much for letting me 'crash' your weekend and for being, well, tremendous friends. I learn so much about friendship from you. And, Paul, nice shot... I mean, look at that sky!

Reminded of the "Why"

Tonight, just before I thought I'd step into dreamland, I had an urge to look for some old photos. Who knows why you do something like this when you're totally exhausted and ready to sleep but, nonetheless, I stood in my closet, looking up, and saw two boxes. Honestly, I couldn't even remember what was in either of them (other than the potential find of keepsakes, etc), so I pulled the top one down and filtered through it.

On top of the pile of personal cards (and my playing cards!... Oh, that's where I put them!...) I found my "Year O' Fun" album. I know, silly name, but meaningful to me. On or around my 25th birthday a few years ago, one of my best friends, Ally D, sent me a package with a disposable camera, small picture album, sidewalk chalk - you get the idea - with a disclaimer indicating that my 25th year was deemed the "Year O' Fun" (now we understand) and I was to use the camera to record it and the other gifts to enjoy it.

Never would I have guessed that this specific year of life would bring tremendous change and adventure. God did something major in my life that year. He met me in a pretty difficult place and redeemed some things, gave me the opportunity to spread my wings beyond Colorado, and in the process of the latter two, enabled me to really see, and enjoy, and appreciate the people He brought into my life.

What's most interesting to me tonight is that I've been asking the question recently, "Why am I doing what I'm doing?" I suppose we all ask this at times. And, I found these cards in this box from the women I had the privilege of investing in at CU... Such sweet cards with tremendous words that reminded me of the "why."

Thinking back to my first year on campus, I am still astounded by the women God brought into my life. Kate, Tate, Katie and Ellyn are four that I think of immediately. Each at such different places in their lives with different hopes, dreams, and life experiences. All of these years later, I reflect on where the Lord has taken them and I smile. Two are reaching out to students overseas, one is married and seeking to minister well with her spouse, and the other is living life with the Lord and figuring out what He has for her.

I am so proud of each of them. They've grown up so much. They have hearts that desire for others to know the hope that Jesus brings. All, in their unique and special ways are serving Him and loving Him in the midst of life. And, I know He is using them.

The same is true of the women I met the next year... Sarah, Kristyn, Dawn, Sangeun and others. What it boils down to for me tonight is that I'm so blessed. I can't believe that God would allow me to live life with these women and have a front row view to their processes with Him and with others. Girls, if you're reading this... Thanks for letting me be apart of your lives. I'm so grateful for you and love and miss you tons and tons! (Oh, and I like you! :) )

It's strange not to work directly with students anymore, but who could ask for a better foundation for my work than spending these precious years on campus? I'm reminded that although I'm not the one meeting with the Sarah's, Tate's, Katie's, and Kate's that someone is... And, I'm in a position to help leverage that work, so that those students will graduate from school loving Jesus, reaching out to others with the gospel, and investing their lives as Christ-centered laborers wherever He takes them.

What a great reminder tonight.

Chaotically Calm

Sitting at my desk today, I noticed an oversized pencil a friend gave me a few years back with this phrase on it... "Chaotically Calm." Lately, I find that my days mirror this. Life is chaotic. Will I choose calm?

Often in life I find myself thinking, "Shouldn't it be easier than this?" Life, I mean. Why should it be so challenging? Yet, as a good friend reminded me last week, life is challenging for everyone. Not one person escapes hardship or challenge - I think it's more about how you handle it when it arrives.

The last few weeks I've been thinking about this transition I'm in. It seems like ages since my life changed completely in taking this new role in Boston, but the reality is, it hasn't been that long. I'm still adjusting, trying to figure out who I am, what God wants me to know about Himself, where He's placed me and what He wants me to do here.

Somedays, it feels really chaotic. And, I feel really chaotic.

Never before have I wondered so much about my purpose. Maybe it's just the time for it. I thought once that college would be the time to really evaluate and seek to understand what I wanted to do, whom I wanted to become, etc. Not that I missed discovering some of this during those years, but at this stage it seems far more pronounced.

I want my life to "count" and perhaps this is the source of my chaos. I don't want to miss my life. I want to live it, enjoy it, learn, grow and be the best "me" possible. The same friend who gave me the pencil, wrote out this quote for me at the time...

"Jesus is not repelled by us, no matter how messy we are, regardless of how incomplete we are. When we recognize that Jesus is not discouraged by our humanity, is not turned off by our messiness, and simply doggedly pursues us in the face of it all, what else can we do but give in, to his outrageous, indiscriminate love?"

- Michael Yaconelli, Author, Messy Spirituality

Boy, does that resonate! It's encouraging to think that Christ isn't repelled by my chaos. He expects it, understands it and meets me in the midst of it. He knows that life isn't all I hope for somedays. In fact, didn't He tell me to expect suffering? Granted, my suffering looks different than that of other people. I'm grateful that God knows what I'm able to bear in life... But, it's encouraging to think that He doesn't expect me to "arrive" - He doesn't expect perfection. He embraces me where I'm at.

How I long to see myself the way He does! In process... Growing (even when I can't see it)... Forgiven... Loved...

In need...

The good thing about the chaos is that I see my need. For Him. I've never seen my relationship with God as a "crutch" as those who aren't fond of "religion" might say. I've always seen my relationship with God as oxygen. I don't need a crutch... I need new life! I'm broken beyond repair and need a Savior.

If my life is chaotic, Jesus is my calm. He's peace. He redeems. He heals. He embraces. He loves. And, He's not afraid of my chaos.

Chocolate Cake

My friend, Ryan recently blogged about his love of pie and it got me thinking... While I like pie, there is something I love even more... Chocolate Cake! I was craving chocolate cake a few weeks back and in my attempts to satisfy my tastebuds, tried some here, tried some there. I was disappointed every time. But, last week, my roommate decided to make a box version and I made some homemade frosting to complete it. Let me just tell you, it was fabulous.

You'd think that having chocolate cake for a week would take care of the craving. Oh, I wish it were so! Last night I had some friends over for some NCAA Men's Basketball Tournament action, lasagna & of course, chocolate cake! I pulled out the "big guns" - Grandma B's famous (at least in our family) Chocolate Oil Cake recipe complete with out of this world chocolate icing. We weren't disappointed. And, it made me wonder, "Why would I choose Betty, Pillsbury, or anyone else over Grandma?" Homemade is insanely good.

Later in the evening after the guests had gone, my roommate and I sat on the couch enjoying more cake. We wondered aloud to each other, "What is there like chocolate cake?!" I mean, it's so dense, rich, and chocolately um, um good! Candy, cookies, really, every other type of sweet treat doesn't provide anything close to what chocolate cake has to offer. We even entertained the idea of buying a glass enclosed cake "holder" so we could have fresh chocolate cake every week! You never know. : )

Pie is good, but there is nothing like an amazing, homemade CHOCOLATE CAKE!

I love chocolate cake.

Speaking of Random...

...occurrences. Case in point: last Friday, I was unloading some supplies from my car - for my small group retreat - and this man who was walking down my street stopped to talk with me. He asked, "Have you got everything?" My reply, "Yep. Thanks!" He stuck around, introduced himself and asked my name. We began to talk about life... and God!

Friends in Boulder used to tell me how this happened to me "all" the time. I remember thinking that it wasn't true. Now I'm not so sure. What IS interesting to me about this is that I'm in New England now. People just don't come up to you and ask if you need help. People don't just stick around and want to know more about God.

Or, do they? I wonder if people really think about Him more than I think they do. It's interesting when I remember that every person is on a spiritual journey. What are they really looking for? Even in my life as a follower of Jesus, I often think about what I'm looking for - maybe it's not so different.

After all, I really want to be known and to know that there is something greater out there than this life I have. Not to say that my life is all bad, but I often find myself in a place where I am so aware of what this life lacks. Look at the world around us. In these moments of my day I often find myself in a place of gratitude, thanking God that it's about Him and not about me.

So, why should I be surprised when someone, even a random guy on the street, wants to talk and understand more about the God that created his life and mine?