Joy and Sadness

Today began with a waking awareness of my love for Jesus. I've been sitting in that place all morning and can't adequately express its sweetness. He is incredible. He is my everything. I absolutely adore Him and couldn't be more grateful in this moment for all that He is and for what He has done on my behalf because of His love for me. I'm astounded by the way He is working in my life at present and humbled by His invitation for depth and intimacy and influence for His Kingdom's sake.

I came to the office where I've been steadily working on a letter to a larger group of people about a major change that is on the horizon for me. Gratefully, I've revisited the words God has given me to communicate about what He is asking me to step into--a new season and adventure. And, as I prepared a list of people who will receive this letter, I realized that my Grandfather is still listed among my contacts. But, He is gone. He won't read this update. In fact, I need to delete his name and address from this list. I feel incapable of the act.

And here are the tears. Intermingled with the sweetness of the morning comes sadness and the grief of loss. I'm not sure what else to do with it, so I hold it carefully in my palm, close to my heart and remember. His legacy has played a key role in my being here in life, let alone in this moment of change. His boldness and courage allow me to be both bold and courageous. I'm so thankful for his example. In fact, he reminds me a lot of Jesus.

I can't wrap any of this up with a neat little bow, so I leave it here today--messy and undone. I miss you, Dedyshka.

The Really Real

Quiet conversations
Meandering below stars high above
A chill in the air
Speaking of love

Tears rise to the surface
A tender routine
My battle continues
To remember I'm seen

The voices now louder
They've increased their pitch
Weighed under the banter
My heart in the ditch

Repetitive truths now I offer
Spoken from these very lips
With great energy expended
The Truth my soul grips

Rejection you're trampled
I'm closing my ears
Competition, you crumble
Farewell all my fears

I canceled our friendships
That cold, snowy day
Went back to the beginning
Paved a new way

So tonight as I rest
My dreams, they'll be sweet
The reality is,
In Him, I'm complete.

America Befriends Tyranny?

Is this the moment when we begin ducking our heads? Did the last day of 2011 mark the beginning of the end of my being able to state personal opinions loudly in the public square (via this platform or otherwise)? The President of the United States assures me that while he's on deck, no American will be indefinitely detained for suspicion of terrorist activity without due process. Do I believe him? And what come November? Does the United States Bill of Rights mean anything after December 31, 2011?  

I'm not naive enough to believe that this decision, this Bill, which became US Law, happened overnight. I'm presently startled by how silently it made its way through the American Legislative Branch and rested at last upon that desk in the Oval Office where our President "reluctantly" signed it into Law. Where have I been? And where are my fellow Americans? Do we really believe that the pursuit of our safety requires relinquishment of all of the freedoms granted us by the US Constitution and Bill of Rights? Sincerely, do we believe that? Do I? Perhaps more importantly, do we understand that what happened changes those freedoms profoundly and severely? Are the implications clear to each of us? 

The world is a broken place--of that I am certain--I believe we're all quite convinced on this point. In no way do I say any of this to discount the ongoing pain and suffering experienced by the families who lost loved ones on that horrific September day in 2001. In fact, I have the deepest respect for them and what they've been through. In the same way, tonight I think of our Founding Fathers. I think of those families that sacrificed their safety so that we might enjoy the freedoms we have come to expect as Americans in 2012. What of their sacrifice? What of that cost?  

I don't intend to sound dramatic. I'm simply and extremely sobered by this development. However, I am reminded in the midst of what feels like a wave of worry: God remains on His throne. I trust Him. I know that His will is already accomplished.  

I do take a moment and ask Him: What role do You desire for me to step into? How am I to live in this changing landscape of diminishing freedoms usurped from American citizens by the very people we voted into public office? Though, I also remember that my true freedom is never diminished--it rests in Christ alone and upon the sure foundation of His life, death and resurrection. What hope! This Good News certainly shines brighter tonight. 

And still, I wrestle with the existing reality. These words offered by those who have gone before give me plenty of food for thought and I sit with them tonight and consider their wisdom…

A Bill of Rights is what the people are entitled to against every government, and what no just government should refuse, or rest on inference.--Thomas Jefferson

Concentrated power has always been the enemy of liberty.--Ronald Reagan

If the freedom of speech is taken away then dumb and silent we may be led, like sheep to the slaughter.--George Washington

 All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent.--Thomas Jefferson