Texas Forever

The view from my perch today in Austin. Any guesses? Hint: it's one of my favorite places on planet earth...

I'm thankful to be back in this quaint city filled with music and down-to-earth people. The Lord has smiled on my friend and me, providing the sweetest gifts in the last 24 hours. Just little things... an inexpensive hotel with free breakfast, free dinner last night because they felt it took too long to get our orders out to us, a nearby donut shop when we arrived at her workshop too early this morning and needed to kill some time. We both love the occasional donut.

The Lord has been speaking to me about having eyes to see these little expressions of His love for me this past week. I'm thankful to step into moments here with awareness in the form of thankful lenses to see how He lavishly meets me and provides for me. Experiencing Him in this way also frees me up to consider those around me... How can I be a blessing to them? What good works has He prepared in advance for me to walk in today?

And, on this Monday morning, He has also given me TIME. Time to write! I'm working on a chapter for the book and I received such helpful feedback over the weekend from a group of writers I'm getting to know. I'm anxious to dig in today and see how He leads me forward.

Cheers for a wonderful day ahead...

Unfettered

I feel these chains loosening their grip on me
freedom is coming, one I've only hoped to see
Life in technicolor chases after me

Standing here, I watch it--
  as it races past
painting ahead a path so bright
all the dark returns to light

I begin to wonder, is it really true?
Could this be the life He's actually called me to?

Suddenly in motion
I set out toward the road
the pesky bonds tighten fast
they don't want to let me go

Looking down at my chains
I consider them again
I'm tired of their stories
they're no longer solacing friends

(I see them as they really are
their heartless nature intent to scar)

The path is there, a step away
my bonds won't break
they're determined to stay

Mustering all my courage I advance 
my toe barely skims the lane
in that moment, a blink of the eye
these shackles, they fall away

And I'm standing here unfettered, stunned
the chains, they're on the ground
wrists and ankles breathing, free
then there You are...
You're here with me?!!!

You hold my hands in Your palms
and kneel, examining my feet
where those bonds pressed in
where they marred my skin
You anoint each line, restoring me

As You stand, I hear a song
I don't quite know the tune
You begin to sing it over me
I long to join in with You

You smile at me and grab my hand
ushering me along
there's more to discover
there's vibrant, technicolored Life to live
and as I'm freshly unhindered,
we journey on.

No Trespassing

A picture that explains a reality. How many times a day do I encounter this sign? I hit a road block and wonder what lies beyond it. Something sacred. A hidden place. But a like-minded statement says, "Don't trespass--you're not welcome here."

Funny enough, I imagine that I'm the person who runs into this boundary most often. It is definitely useful to keep others at bay, but I keep myself out, too. I live behind the rules--I'm good at abiding by them. I feel responsible to steward myself sensibly along their focused path. I regularly reestablish boundaries to protect myself. Some are healthy; some are not. They help me know where I am, what I should do, how I should behave. At times, I think I forget who I am as I try to live them so well. And, I let them define me. I let them limit me.

I picture the Lord approaching this boundary. I usually ask him to stop here, as well.

"Stand over there... I don't know what you'll do if you come in here. Safer to leave things the way they are," I say.

But I don't really mean it. And the thing is, I think He wants me to be free, but I keep going back to these standards that appeared along this path somehow. As if they would rescue me and show me how to live. As if...

It's Not Greener: It's Different

And there are days
when I want the other life
filled with scribbles
and inconsolable crying
smiles
melt-downs
new discoveries

the one where all I want is
for him to come home
so I can leave the house
because I'm pulling my hair out
longing desperately for
everything grown-up
an airplane
space
freedom

seasons when we're fighting
ensuing moments when I wonder why
I married him
said yes to this life
chose it
in the first place

years passing by when I marvel
where did it all go?
how did I get so lucky?
look at all of these gifts!

the ending of a day with us
our life
lived out in the good, bad, mundane

It sounds so good today
All of it.

Like a Bird: Free

Look at these birds I was able to capture on my phone last night... Clumped together they stood on the edge of space between sea and sand, and watched the tide as it went out and came back in. Then they flew. Sunset on New Year's Eve 2012. They were a sight to behold. And a beautiful reminder, as well.

God has faithfully provided for me all of my life. His love is unending. Like the ocean, His love is vast and immense. And these birds, they don't wonder where provision comes from because He is the good and faithful Provider. He meets their needs.

I took a walk away from the bonfire, in the opposite direction of my friends last night. Having set two hours before, the sun slept while the moon shone brightly lighting the way ahead of me. My toes dipped in and out of the Atlantic as I strolled and I couldn't think of the words to express what I was feeling, so He gave me a song. And I just sang to Him. It was a sweet, holy moment all alone there facing the ocean, taking in the sky and remembering His goodness to me.

When I consider the valleys of my heart--those places He's currently pressing into that feel so tender and broken--I feel gratitude toward Him. He knows. He sees. He understands. He spoke kindly to me on the eve of this New Year encouraging me to comprehend that it's my freedom that He's after. He will not falter or fail me as He pursues me and fights for me. I'm the one who resists Him; I'm the one who often wants to give up.

Taking advantage of the time with Him, I prayed for the things I haven't wanted to pray. The painful prayers I've allowed to fall to the wayside because I haven't understood why He'd ask me to want those things in the first place. It was a risk. I felt exposed.

I suppose that's what is important as I've greeted 2013 though. If I don't choose to step into what is hard, vulnerable, honest, true... What then? What becomes of my freedom?