Joy and Sadness

Today began with a waking awareness of my love for Jesus. I've been sitting in that place all morning and can't adequately express its sweetness. He is incredible. He is my everything. I absolutely adore Him and couldn't be more grateful in this moment for all that He is and for what He has done on my behalf because of His love for me. I'm astounded by the way He is working in my life at present and humbled by His invitation for depth and intimacy and influence for His Kingdom's sake.

I came to the office where I've been steadily working on a letter to a larger group of people about a major change that is on the horizon for me. Gratefully, I've revisited the words God has given me to communicate about what He is asking me to step into--a new season and adventure. And, as I prepared a list of people who will receive this letter, I realized that my Grandfather is still listed among my contacts. But, He is gone. He won't read this update. In fact, I need to delete his name and address from this list. I feel incapable of the act.

And here are the tears. Intermingled with the sweetness of the morning comes sadness and the grief of loss. I'm not sure what else to do with it, so I hold it carefully in my palm, close to my heart and remember. His legacy has played a key role in my being here in life, let alone in this moment of change. His boldness and courage allow me to be both bold and courageous. I'm so thankful for his example. In fact, he reminds me a lot of Jesus.

I can't wrap any of this up with a neat little bow, so I leave it here today--messy and undone. I miss you, Dedyshka.