Life Since Then

Pulling off of the exit to that familiar beach
an old song piped through the radio
a memory lodged in the graveyard of my heart released
you played it for me on your birthday

And we were all in this spot, not long after that summer
a couple weeks from now, back then
I wore light khaki overalls (they were "in" at the time)
taking in the Pacific from this perch
a different boardwalk on another coast
reunited after two months apart

I had questions
I held sadness
I was grieving the end before the real beginning of the demise
but I smiled with the girls
for the cameras, for the sake of the memories we were making

Coincidence? I don't think so
that's typically not how it works
perhaps an Invitation to dig into that cavern again
to remember that we lost each other and my life since then

And it has been good--these days and years
my regrets have diminished considerably, considering
but I often wonder if I'll ever forget
what every piece of it meant to me

I recognized my fear
the frailty of my heart
not wanting it to be broken
I think I ran from the start

Perhaps there are no words to offer once again
it was another life, or it could have been
so I went to the beach and sat in the sun
I watched the gulls play, putting the thoughts far away
There are other things on my mind, after all

And closing my eyes, I listened as waves kissed mercilessly the shore
Trying to be present, wanting desperately to embrace the gift of it
but the recollections continued to sound in my ears
many a word I offered and those I wish I'd shouted
somehow lacking the courage or the understanding to know they were needed
I still carry all of them with me

Though I wanted to relinquish them
to the waves and the sun
back to that boardwalk on another coast
returning them to you, so they would leave me
and perhaps some of them did
I really don't know...
Though, I'd like to think so.