Fred

I said goodbye to the most steady, day-to-day thing in my life -- for the past eleven and a half years -- this week. Fred. My Volvo. Truth be told, the night before the people came to take him to the place where he'd help wishes to be granted, I cried. And, cried. Strange perhaps, but it occurs to me in the days since his departure that many enormous things have shifted in my life since January and well, the straw on camel's back, or whatever that is, finally broke.

The guy called me to say he was on his way hours before I was prepared to release Fred. I said, "I have a few errands to run nearby, so I'll do those and be back in time to meet you." I grabbed my keys and headed to the Post Office, then took the long way home (totally unnecessary, of course) just to spend the last few minutes with him. As I'd done before, I verbally revisited how much Fred meant to me and told him how odd it was to be letting him go... I meant every word.

And, once the paperwork was signed, I returned to my front steps with coffee in hand to wait out his departure. Maybe the dude thought I was weird. Though, I genuinely did not care. Cup in hand, I sat there with tears in my eyes behind carefully placed sunglasses recounting the miles and the memories, the conversations I'd had inside that car with people and with that car and with the Lord therein... So many moments and so much life was lived and Fred was the steady part. I became a "Volvo person" with him. Now, I'm not anymore.

Today, I was driving home from a work thing and noticed one of Fred's cousins (you know, same make, model) passing us on the left on the Freeway. I actually got teary AGAIN. Don't get me wrong, my new car is LOVELY and I am so very thankful for it... I'm just still so sad about ol' Fred -- needing a transmission and an oxygen sensor and new front seats and paint on the rear bumper...

It's funny how a thing can become such a monument in one's life... Steady, stable, always there, never arguing or difficult (other than expensive repairs, I suppose)... Just available and helpful mostly. I thought I was to the end of the changes for the year, but this newest addition to the list reminds me that God still has more ahead. It's only July after all. I'm wondering if my heart can take it.

Don't worry too much. I'm just feeling sentimental and a little over the edge. All to say, I'm really grateful for the gift of that Volvo and the years I had it -- I put around 115,000 miles on that car. He really did serve me well.

xo, Fred.