Hope Deferred...

Deferred: withheld for or until a stated time (Merriam-Webster online)

I'm choosing something important right now. My 'positivity' according to StrengthsFinders is an asset, but as I'm experiencing it recently it is a deterrent to my own growth. Disappointments of past and present have surfaced like torpedoes over the past few weeks - I thank the flu for the down time which provided me ample opportunity to think. And think. And Think.

What have I determined to do with my thoughts? Sit in them. Address them. Interview them. Take them to the One who can handle them (whether I believe He wants to or not is another question altogether at the moment).

If you know me, chances are high that you probably would not use "Angry" as an adjective to describe me.

I am angry. My anger comes from disappointment. The disappointment alights from many an unmet expectation.

And, I am sitting in it. It is painful. The outcome looks bleak.

... Makes the heart sick.

Longing for Home, Unsure Where It Is

I know what is true... This is not my home - I'm just on a journey here walking towards Home.

During recent days, however, I find myself longing for a home. A factor driving this to the heart today is my current battle with the flu. I miss my overstuffed sage-green couch, my dark brown leather chair, my plush off-white rug, the coffee with cream colored walls of my former living room and yes, my own bed. I miss my good friends living a stone's throw away and the ability to reach out to them. And, I just miss the familiarity of being known.

Whenever this question of home arises, I find my mind wandering toward the unknown future that awaits me. At once it is hard to wait and easy to trust. I can't imagine what the outcome will be, so I've resigned (in a healthy way), to allowing the days to take their course. Whatever will be, will, well, be.

This said, the want remains and as I wrestle with this virus, I tussle with my longing for a home.