Tuning In

Last week I finally slowed down. After months of craziness I'd almost forgotten what it was like to have downtime, hang out with friends and think about my life. Since church on Sunday, I've thought a lot about the message I heard on rest.

It's funny how difficult it can be to truly rest. I, for one, find it quite challenging to do so. Part of it is that I really love to work. BUT, this past week I've begun to think about the things that bring life to my life. And, it has been good for me to consider, once again, that work isn't everything.

So, the question I've been asking myself is, "What is life-giving?" And, I've been finding that I have no clue what the answer is for me right now. Things that used to be refreshing feel cumbersome and I'm unsure of what to do next. I've reached the point (again) where I am so out of touch with what's going on inside of me that the day comes where it hits me like a ton of bricks... Something's wrong... I have to take time to tune in and figure out what I'm doing to myself and what I need.

This may sound messed up, but I believe that part of this process is really good. I need to seek the Lord and figure out what He wants to say to me and what He desires for me to do. Hearing from Him can sometimes be challenging though... Sad to say, but I think it’s because I've trained my ear to hear everything except His voice.

I am thankful in these times though. God is so good to meet me and speak into my life. I was reminded this week of what Jesus said in Matthew 11: 28-30 (The Message):

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Amazing! He wants me to come away with Him to recover my life... He wants to show me how to take a real rest, but notice, life doesn't necessarily stop. A friend has recently asked this question often: "Are you resting?" He knows how busy I've been and my answer remained the same, "Trying to... Maybe in a few weeks." Looking back over these recent weeks, I can see what he was saying now. In the midst of life per normal, was I finding true rest? How is this possible? The passage has a clear answer: By coming to Jesus to recover my life; learning from Him and watching how He does it.

Jesus never forces this on me. He wants me to choose it. He isn't the one that is handing me the heavy load - I'm the one trying to prove myself, trying to move ahead, ignoring the significance of the difficult things, continuing to circulate in unhealthy habits, avoiding conflict, being hard on myself, failing to take time away from the busyness, the list goes on and on. He actually wants me to experience grace; He wants to free me from the heavy load.

It reminds me of the times I travel and need to take the T to and from the airport. My bag always seems heavier on the return trip and I always pray, "Lord, Please let the escalator be up and running!" On a recent trip, I reached my stop and sure enough, the escalators were out! Total bummer. I was walking toward the exit and begrudgingly preparing to lug my suitcase up those stairs feeling tired and a bit put out. I remember saying, "Lord, it would be so nice if someone would offer to help" yet mindful that I live in a city and this isn't always the reality. Just as I reached the base of the staircase, someone from behind said, "Jess, can I carry that for you?" One of my colleagues was on my heels and took the load from me! I was so relieved and very grateful. He even offered me a ride home!

Now, that wasn't a difficult decision for me to make. I was happy as a clam to hand my burden off to my friend and he desired to help me. Jesus does the same for me every single day, but I often tell Him that I'd rather do it myself. Why? I'm still trying to figure that one out. I long to live "freely and lightly," but I also avoid it. I choose to make life harder on myself and I'm grateful that Jesus is there, offering this incredible rest, calling me to tune-in and waiting for me to accept His offer.

I hope to say "Yes" a lot more in 2007 and, once again, discover the life-giving things He will show and provide for me in the midst of the craziness that is certain to come.