Green Lights?

"Who had time for those switchbacks with the destination so clearly in sight?"

Taylor, Barbara Brown. An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith.

Canada: HarperCollins Publishing, 2009.

I'm certainly not much of a fan of switchbacks. When my eyes see ahead to the end goal, I'm there within seconds and have figured out the best course of action to get directly from Point A --where I'm likely standing-- to point B. Once a decision is made, green lights all the way, baby! But, that's not always life. Certainly not my life at this moment, anyhow. The past week or so I have absolutely longed for it to work this way, but I've been traversing a path that keeps winding me around to a familiar location: the place of Waiting.

I add a capital "W" there because it feels like a real place right now. I'm there. I wonder if I'll ever leave it and somehow, I'm coming to understand that as I become more self-aware, I'll likely find myself living here. There are always things to wait upon. My dear friend told me that truth years ago in a poignant way referencing her own story--you wait to grow up, go to school, graduate from school, meet someone, get engaged, get married, have a baby... And, more routinely, you wait in line at the grocery store, post office and in traffic. You get the idea. We all have to wait. It is a necessary and admittedly, a good part of life. So why doesn't it feel good?

Control--yep, the tug-o-war is in play. I want to be in control. I want to determine how things will happen so I can know how I'll feel about them happening; and then I can decide whether I want that thing, whatever it is, to happen or not. Whew... That feels exhausting just to write out, let alone live. But, past experience has taught me that hurt awaits if I don't control my own life-- you just can't let people get that close or allow that thing hoped for to carry the weight it does... "Live and learn," right?

While I do need to exercise more discernment when it comes to trusting others and making wise decisions about my life, I also need to leap! Faith says that I won't always understand why or how, but I must trust something (Someone, in fact), greater than myself. The switchbacks don't make sense to me, but he gets it and is engaging my heart as I faithfully maneuver their corners.

So today I'm seeking to enjoy the view and the journey. I'm finding that as I embrace the course set before me, I'm experience peace deep within my belly--and if you know me, you know what a great thing that is! Here's to letting the Lord inform the future and waiting on his best for my life, not manufacturing my own version of what I think is best... It's a process. I'm in it.