Belonging

I'd be lying if I didn't say that sometimes I want to give up on people. Recently I've been considering what it means to continue to take the initiative in relationships even when the prospect of doing so leaves me open to feelings of rejection. Or, in another vein, finds me wondering "what if"--what if I didn't initiate? Would others seek me out and include me?

We've all found ourselves in positions like this, I'm sure. This reality has hit home a few times over the past several months when I've reached out to friends to make plans or include them in something I'm doing, but they don't reciprocate or think to call me when they move forward on something we've all talked about doing. It's hurtful, honestly and I have wondered why I wasn't included. But, it feels petty and shameful to be sad about being left out in those moments.

Yet, what I realize is that this can be significant in a couple of ways: one,  feeling forgotten or unwanted by people I care about is painful; and two, what I want to do with that pain is a weighty reality. Often, I want to close myself off from those relationships because it hurts too deeply to continue in them. Why would I want to set myself up for further disappointments? In the past, I've done that--cut people out, I mean. Let me say now, it's not a great option. In the process, you shut off important things inside of you that take effort and time, and yes, more pain to re-open. But, what are we to do with it all?

My brother and I were talking about this on the phone today. I told him that I'm trying to live a better story in this area of my life and seeking to remain open. Part of this comes from remembering that other people also want to belong. What does it look like for me to love radically and to re-frame what feels like rejection from some into an opportunity and invitation for others to step into life with me? It reminds me of the story Jesus told in Luke 14 of a rich man who planned a large banquet and at the last moment, all of his friends unanimously decided to find better things to do than come to his feast. Instead of sulking about, he made a decision to include those who were never included. He sent his servants out with the directive to search high and low for anyone who would come to his feast and fill his house. Now, I'm taking this a bit out of context here... I mean, I'm not a rich man who is experiencing purposeful rejection by his friends for some social reason the reader isn't privy to, but I can learn from him. He sought out those who did not belong and brought them in. How beautiful! Isn't that exactly what God has done for us? It made me further consider:

Who are those around me (including my current friends) who I might pursue and take the initiative with even when it means more risk for me?

How might I include them?

If my friends opt out, why wouldn't I pursue others and make new memories with them?

And, with regard to my closer friends, why hold a grudge or act out on the hurt? Forgiveness is key to maintaining strong relationships with them and keeping myself available to loving them well. I don't want to be a person who develops a bitter heart. I do want to be a person who gives others grace and remains open to relationships even when they hurt.

What it really comes down to is that I want to belong. I think others do, too, so I think I can choose to move towards them with joy and enthusiasm, don't you?