There were a few moments in this day (I think there were three to be exact-ish), where I felt misunderstood. Funny thing is, I kept going. I didn't lose myself. These things stung a little (one stung a lot, if I'm honest). I felt the urge to explain myself.
And the world seemed to come to a standstill, turning its gaze in my direction.
I felt it.
I may have even nodded back at it. Like, "Yes, you see me world? I'm not receiving this stuff. I don't need to let it take me away from myself..." Still, you likely know this about me by now, I felt the tension. The little war which goes on inside my belly set off the alarms and prepared for the ugly. But, it never really came.
I wasn't perfectly composed. Nope. I wasn't. I haven't forgotten the things nor have I finished dealing with the one which needs to be further addressed. But, I was brave.
In one instance, I held my peace and let my rising objections subside into little peaceful waves. "I don't need you to affirm me or understand," I quietly mused. In another moment of opportunity, I picked up the phone and left the message I needed to leave. I wasn't fully myself... Somehow I used my voice to say what I needed to say. It's still not finished. I don't like that, but I'm okay.
It feels good to be here.
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