Uncharted Territory

Sophie came into the world on Sunday. She spent 10 short, but beautiful hours with her parents, extended family and friends. Lindsey and Kevin say it best here: 10 Precious Hours... Personally speaking, it was one of the greatest honors I've ever had to meet, hold and kiss her. And while we celebrate her life which has touched countless other lives, we also grieve. We grieve deeply.

Being with them in the hospital for a few days as Lindsey bravely labored and Kevin showed remarkable strength and courage was a gift. Welcoming Sophie was so beautiful. Losing her was terrible. And, to be honest, I haven't known how to celebrate my own birthday this week in light of the events of last weekend.

Yesterday, I was thrilled to see them. Linds, in her kindness and care asked, "What are you doing to celebrate your birthday?" The reality that she'd ask me that question in the midst of this was incredibly loving and selfless. Though, I've seen those two things in her throughout this season and have been amazed by the way she desires to see other people and their stories as she walks in her own. I'm blessed to have her in my life and call her one of my dearest and best friends. I wasn't sure what to tell her. So, I told her the truth... "It's been hard to think of how to celebrate, but I know I'll regret it if I don't..."

It's just that everything else seems so very small in comparison...

And, I'm wrestling with the Lord right now. I know He is good. I know He is faithful and loving and kind. I know He is able. I know He is willing. And, perhaps this is why I wrestle with Him.

There are layers to this season ahead and I don't know how to walk in it. It's a challenge to consider how to approach it all in my own life let alone knowing how to journey alongside some of the people I love the most. The thing I'm understanding today is that I don't have to know how. Even as I wrestle with God, He is still with me and loves me right here. He will show me the way forward and help me.

It's a strange thing to trust Him so much, yet wonder why He would allow the things He allows all at once. If anyone thinks following Jesus is easy, I guess I don't see what they see. I'm thankful for Him. He is the way, the truth, and the life indeed. But He doesn't always make sense... And the path isn't easy. He doesn't accomplish things the way I would. But then again, He is God and I am not.

So today, I sit here and invite Him to show me how to celebrate and live from a place of abiding joy. I ask Him to love on my friends and comfort them. I tell Him again how I need Him and how I really don't understand. This has to be good enough for today. It just has to be.