Little Changes, Massive Results

It has been just a week or so now since I've shifted my sleep schedule -- going to bed earlier in order to rise much sooner the next day. Recently, I considered how effective I used to be when my schedule had me greeting the day on the early side. I lived it in college and even in my Boston years. I wondered what it could look like to 'go back'...

In the early part of February I mentioned to a friend how exhausted I was feeling after making a major decision for change and she encouraged me, "I don't think it will last much longer..." But, it did.

I gave up sugar for a couple of months to be more in tune with my body and gain greater awareness of how I was feeling (not running to it as a crutch). I also continued working out faithfully. What a helpful process, but it also left me with questions. My exhaustion was worse than I imagined... How in the world could I come to a place where I wouldn't be tired all of the time?

Then, just a few weeks ago, it hit me: You have to choose to change something else, Jess.... There's got to be another factor at play.


And so I thought about my daily schedule -- mornings have ALWAYS been my best, most fruitful times. I've strayed from them for years now. Starting my days later and later. Plus, I realized I needed to add some supplements back into my diet. I've been counting on food to supply all nutrients I need when I know it's really not possible (even with good, non-processed whole foods). So, I changed my sleep schedule and the other day, I bought a blender to bring nutrient-dense shakes back into my life. I've even gotten back into the habit of making my bed in the morning... All of these little things...

I feel like a new human! I've been marveling at how much more energy I have (even after a crazy full weekend) and the sheer volume of tasks I'm able to complete before 11 AM. I've even been enjoying extra time with the Lord -- real, quiet, sweet moments with Him and a cup of coffee where I'm inviting Him to prep me for the day He has ahead for me and just hanging out in Scripture, soaking in His words. It's been really good.

Perhaps I shouldn't be so surprised by the way these seemingly small adjustments are having an enormous impact, but I am. More than that though, I'm just grateful. The Lord always leads us into life -- I'm reminded that sometimes I have to take a step back to see the areas where it might be leaking so I can take responsibility and make life-giving decisions.

Sunday

I guess I wish I had the courage to say
how strange it continues to be that Sunday meant more than Saturday
or the Friday the month before
or the Wednesday before that

Because here I am
living life, practically around the corner
having released something which hindered
only to find it's all that really mattered to you

not me
just me not being there

There's so much more to me than that space in time
so much more than what I offered there and what I left behind

but all that seems to matter to you is Sunday
forget Saturday and how I stood available a room away
open for conversation and actual friendship

I've offered it time and again
you wave me away, dismiss me
put it in my court
"If you want to talk about it..." you say

the thing is, I talked for two years
making an approach time and again
offering, hopeful, receptive, inviting
and no, certainly not perfectly
but trying

and three days later, all that's on your mind is Sunday...

So sadly, words fail me -- what to offer you?...
a couple keyboard characters will have to do.

Tomorrow I begin...

... to finish a first book nearly 10-years in the making. Part of it is written and will need to be reworked, no doubt. I think it's what those who find their place in the field of editing love to do -- make it better by tearing it to shreds. For now, I'm not concerning myself about that piece of the process and how it will come together. Instead, I turn back to the pages I have in order to focus my intention on telling the stories once again.

On the drive home from my part-time job today I said, "I cannot believe I'm actually going to write like a writer..." The season is here! I know the work will be hard, still I have a confidence from the Lord that He's giving me everything I need so the words will come and the stories will mend their way together to become something I never imagined.

I feel sort-of thrilled, you know?