Launching Point

I picked my outfit out last night and changed half of it at the very last moment... Part of me felt anxious for the evening, the other, excited. Landing on a black skirt, red top and my favorite patent black heels, I scurried out to my car and texted, "Just left my house! Running late, sorry!" On the freeway, I called my friend who remained at my house and asked, "Can you check to see if I unplugged my curling iron?" I did. She calmly asked, "Do you want me to pray for you?" I breathed deeply, "Yes, please..."

Arriving at the restaurant, about half of the party was there. Thankful to have calmed down a bit, I began to notice my surroundings. For one, the weather was absolutely lovely. Our tables were out on the back deck of the restaurant overlooking a lake. It was a bit breezy, but I regarded the movement with a sense of appreciation. Something else could be in motion--I could choose to rest.

While it has been official for a few weeks, this evening meant a lot to me.  Fifteen friends took time from their busy lives and schedules to join me in celebrating the ending of a significant part of my life tonight.  There's something about being the center of attention that makes me a little edgy and I suppose that's what I was feeling in the moments leading up to dinner. However, as the rest of the group arrived, I found myself hugging people and expressing my gratitude that they made it out... Slowly, I let myself relax.

We ordered appetizers and the conversations continued. I sat there soaking up the loveliness of the outdoor patio, the lake, the strong breeze, fabulous food, the fireworks that suddenly appeared in the distance, the faces of the people who came to be with me and the memories of how I met each of them... I kept smiling as I considered those things again and again while I sat there. I felt loved. I felt thankful.

At one point, my friend, Jenn turned to me and said something along the lines of, "It's amazing to see the people you have in your life..." I responded, "I'm really blessed. These people know my story--that's meaningful to me." And it is. Some know more than others, but they all share in it somehow. And, there were many that I couldn't include tonight--I marvel at that truth! Sometimes I genuinely wonder: Lord, who am I that You would show such goodness and kindness to me? I'm beyond grateful.

Driving home, I took it slow. I felt sad somehow, but I turned up the volume on the radio to avoid going into it in the car. When I arrived, there were a few people over and they invited me to play the game they were starting, but I knew I just needed some time to myself. I came in my room and a couple tears surfaced. I think what I'm feeling is change. There has been a world I've been a part of for a very long time and that chapter has closed. Life is moving forward and there are some challenges I'm already experiencing. I wonder about the future. I want to know how it turns out. I long to live it well.

I sat down and opened two cards that friends handed me tonight. The second contained closing words that brought encouragement and comfort in a powerful way:
"Now be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged...not because of us, or your community, or fruit in your ministry but...for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

I don't feel fearless at the moment. I have many questions, actually. Though, I do want to step into this new season resting in Jesus and living out my belief that He holds all things in His hands. In some ways I am doing that already; as for everything else, I'll have to take it one day (or minute or second) at a time because frankly, I'm not sure how else to go about it.  Here's to stepping into the great unknown...