Urging it to Burn

Everywhere I've gone the past two weeks, people have gone out of their way to tell me how great I look. Honestly, I have no idea what they're seeing, but apparently it has been noticeable. And tonight, as I skimmed posts I've written over these past few months, I understood once again that God has been at work bringing redemption to me.

To run or to stay? This seems to be the most dominant theme playing out in my life right now. In a way, I've been bumping into my own issues again and again and again. I want to escape from them, but living life in community prevents me from doing so, I guess. Life has been characterized by one emotional land mine after another blowing up in my face since December, and I've been left to piece together what set each off in the first place.

What's funny in all of it though is that I've seen a spark light up inside of me in this process. This sort-of flame that was blown out a long time ago has been relit and I think I'm fanning it now... I'm urging it to burn.

Where people have spoken harmful things, I'm believing the truth and separating myself from their commentaries. When I have felt uncertain of what the best next step is I've rested, prayed and taken time not to act. Sure, I've been sad about some things, I've been wounded and some days, I haven't chosen to believe the truth. But, in all of it I've recognized that if God is really good--I mean, really, exceptionally good--and goodness is inseparable from who He is, then I don't need to sweat this stuff or these people or these circumstances.

Though, I don't dismiss them either. I take everything to Him and let Him inform the good that I need to hang onto. Still, the rest goes--like garbage that I drop at the curb and forget about completely.

I think that's where forgiveness comes in--I release it, let it go and do that over and over again until I forget to remember it or talk about it with such ease and a smile, remembering the hardship of the time, but the sweetness of the days that followed it more--this is the best choice for everyone involved; me included. It doesn't mean that I haven't had to move through the stuff to arrive at the place where I leave it at the curb. I suppose that's why it has been messy and draining.

And I guess that's why I'm surprised at these recent reactions--so here I've been with tunnel-vision, fighting my way through another war and all the while people in and around my life are witnessing beauty. I just don't know how He does it. Regardless, I think I should keep fanning this flame.