Is this Where Redemption is Found?

A few dear friends have been speaking important things into my life over the last few days. I have been experiencing my brokenness profoundly to the point of understanding that I've been running in circles for years and years wondering how I can doubt God's goodness. In many areas of my life I've come to know the truth that He is good; the lack of comprehension in another realm has left me undone over and over again. It is in this pain that I sit wishing and praying it away.

One friend offered that perhaps His "goodness" wasn't what was most critical--she said she sensed the issue arose from a place below it. Believing or having faith or telling myself that He is indeed good would not be the cure to this illness within me. She encouraged me to ask Him to show me what is beneath it.

Today, these words offered by one of my best friends struck deeply: "There's one voice that's missing here...Your voice."

So here is the question: What do I think of myself?

I know what God says about me. I'm growing in my awareness of what others think. But, the idea that I need to have a voice in this process is a new thought for me. (That reality has roots in some other parts of my story that are literally leaping out from the pages of my mind in this moment!) It all reminds me of the words a man offered back to Jesus in Luke 10:27 regarding the greatest commandment:

"You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength and all your mind. And, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'"

Back in college, one of my pastors taught through this brief passage. I remember realizing that loving oneself--knowing, experiencing and living from the identity that God has given us in Christ--was of utmost importance. I don't think I realized until today that this is still an enormous struggle for me.  And, I don't want to live here... I want Him to redeem it. I really, really do.