And Now, About That Nap...

My eyes didn't want to open this morning. You know the kind... You're exhausted, your whole body aches for reasons you cannot remember, your brain is trying to run, but it feels like you're running Windows instead of your Mac. I encouraged my eyelids to open and felt shocked by the sun peeking through the blinds. "Why do you have to be so bright?!" I muttered inside my head (there's no way my lips would utter any such word or phrase). As I came to, I began to consider the crazy day I'd scheduled for myself. Literally six different commitments filled my Saturday calendar between the hours of 11:00 & midnight, plus an errand or three I really need to run. Too much. But being me, even in this overly-tired place, I thought, "You can do it!"

I somehow made my way to the kitchen to cook oatmeal, folded my laundry and showered while contemplating the reality of how I was never going to get myself out the door on time. Moving at a snail's pace, I sat on my knees pulling papers from under the bed to consider what needed to go with me and I sunk deeper into this posture and wanted to nap. Not good when you need to leave the house soon. As I stood and evaluated myself in the mirror I wondered aloud, "What are you doing?" I wanted to cry with weariness (it was like when you're little and you don't know what's wrong, but nothing seems too good and you just want to cry... Or is that just me?). 

So I looked at myself again and thought, "You don't have to do this..." I texted my first appointment, apologized and said I couldn't make it. My phone wouldn't send the text. I tried four times. When it finally worked, I exhaled and thought, "Good... That bought you a few more hours." Total relief. It's in moments like these that I remember how the Lord loves me and wants to care for me. I really get in the way of that in seasons like this one. It's like what I wrote the other day... I forget to check in with my heart and ask Him what's best. I almost forgot today, but I'm so glad I remembered. So glad I listened.