Mommy for the Weekend?

Yes, last weekend I became the "Mommy" - or maybe just the "Auntie." My friends were out of town and I watched two of their three kiddos, the dog, the snake, the bunnies and had out of town company of my own. It was really fun. I was really sleepy after staying up super late with my friends, but especially at 6 AM or so when the sweet doggie wanted to go outside; and, then again at 7 or 7:30 AM when the eight year old wanted me to, "Wake up, Miss Jess!"

I forget that going to Target to spend a gift card can be such an adventure, or watching an animated movie for the second time at the theatre such a big deal, going to McDonalds is super fun, and being picked up on time at school is so important. :) I realized how much work it is to keep a house clean (which I really do care about) with so much going on, getting everyone out the door on time for church, thinking through what other people need to eat - when it's just me I figure I'll get something eventually.... The list goes on and on.

I also loved that the dog followed me around the house. At one point I looked at him and asked, "Why are you following me around, Shel?" And then it occurred to me, "Oh, right... I'm the 'Mommy.'" So sweet. All to say, I can't help but be grateful for mom's! What incredible work they do caring for their kids and keeping their houses together. I'm thoroughly impressed.

Broncos v. Pats

In Foxboro, Sunday, September 24, 2006.

Denver: 17
Pats: 7

I'm a faithful fan... I still bleed Blue & Orange. Sorry Pats, maybe next time.

Whoa! Long Time No Blog

Weeks have passed and I've barely thought about blogging. I'm in my crazy-busy season at work right now and trying to find some down time as I'm able. Life has been good though. Through some recent reflection (caused by my birthday - isn't it funny how it's often one of the few opportunities people seize to think about life and I do it, too), I've realized that I'm growing. It feels good.

It's a relief to grow through patterns and habits that have shaped my life in negative ways and see what is on the other side. Freedom. I know I'm being a bit vague here, but I've been experiencing peace and joy as I've made some healthy choices for my life recently. The process of growth is often challenging, but God has been teaching me much about the value of honesty, authenticity, humility and the blessing of community. It is neat to see how He uses each of these things to bring about change in my life.

I feel encouraged that Jesus continues to meet me in my brokenness and helps me continue to pursue a life lived in light of the Gospel. I've come to the conclusion that I would far rather see my brokenness with eyes WIDE open than ignore it or live without awareness of it and refuse to grow. I've just been praying that God would continue to keep my heart teachable and tender so, when I encounter my humanity and sin, I would choose to embrace the process and grow. It's messy, humbling, exhausting and difficult, but so worthwhile.

Time with friends has also been encouraging lately. I celebrated my birthday with friends that have become dear to me here in Boston, went to the Sox game a couple weeks back with my old friend, Scott Willingham (Great to see you! "Hi" to the fam!) & the McPeople :), had a fabulous work trip to upstate NY where my long-time friend, Ally joined me and then spent a few days on the backside here in Boston, said goodbye to my friend, Phil as he moved away for work and have more friends visiting soon, plus a trip back to my beloved Colorado is on the horizon.

And, that's life as of late. I'll try to update this post with some pictures in the next week or so. Until later.... I hope you're doing well.

A Thing of Beauty

Jesus said to the people, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't be stumbling through the darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." -- John 8:12

Our office has become beautiful. In just a weeks' time a woman named Joanne has turned a neutral, fairly boring canvas into a stunning and inviting workspace. It has been fun to watch the process of transformation and join in with her as her ideas and dreams came to fruition.

Today, as things were winding down she said, "Okay Jessica, let's look at your space." I'll admit, I was dying to have her give some direction and thought to the placement of pieces she had suggested that I add in and around my new office. One of the paintings that was originally slated to be in our open area needed a home and she asked if I would like to have it. I was thrilled and as we hung it, she pointed out that the artist had inscribed the reference to the verse above near his signature. Joanne told me that when she discovered this reference, she immediately looked it up and it became her "theme" verse for the project. I thought it very appropriate.

One, the end purpose of the work we do here is that students would understand that Jesus is indeed the light of the world and that they might have life. Life is a beautiful thing. Two, Joanne loves beauty. It drives her. I have been so encouraged and refreshed as my associates and I have had the privilege of working alongside her this week. Not only did she care about the project, she cared about our stories. Both were things of beauty to her.

There is something about beauty that moves me. Maybe you feel the same. As I thought about it in light of this project and my conversations with Joanne, I realized why. The world can be an astoundingly ugly place at times. In the midst of the struggles of life, relationships, and circumstances it is not difficult to despair in the darkness. But light... What does light do? It dispels darkness and allows us to see what is real about life.

To think that Jesus says that HE is the light of the world is a tremendous claim. In fact, if you go on to read beyond that one verse in John 8, you'll see that the Pharisees were quite offended by this. Jesus cared deeply that people would not continue stumbling in the darkness. He wanted them to see the light so they could experience life.

How I long to experience life on Jesus' terms, but I must choose to walk in the light. Often I avoid the life that He so freely offers because I desire to do it my way. What's sad about this is that I miss what is beautiful... Him. He is the light of the world. He lived a sinless life, died a grievous death and rose victoriously that we would experience life and cease stumbling in the darkness. Now that is a thing of beauty.

The Count of Monte Cristo

If you have yet to seize the opportunity to read this classic, I would highly encourage it! I just finished the 1,078-page tale last week and loved it (no abridged version for me). Actually, I already loved the book around page 150 and knew I'd desire to re-read it in the future. I think Dumas is a brilliant story-teller and the themes of justice and mercy were poignant. Let me also add here that the film version falls desperately short in communicating the actual story. I used to like it, in fact, I own it. Upon finishing the book I went back and watched the movie and I'm now thinking of selling it on Amazon... Let me know if you'd be interested in taking it off my hands.

Life After Colorado... Two Years Later

It's official! Today I celebrate two years in Boston and I can hardly believe it. I almost forgot the "anniversary" in the midst of this hectic week, but remembered as I was sorting through documents in my effort to switch offices this afternoon. Two years ago, my Mom, Dad and new teammates were unloading the moving truck into my first apartment out here. It was a crazy day and I remember Judy & Corri (who had just moved here with their families from our old region as well) dropping by in the early afternoon with some flowers and stuff for my place. We all were a little wide-eyed as we talked through the change we all had chosen. It was so strange to think that I'd actually done it... Moved clear across the country, taking on a new role, joining this new team that melded the thoughts, ideas and ministry philosophies of two regions together and leaving everything I knew behind.

It has been quite the adventure and I am thankful that God gave me the opportunity to do it. It is hard to imagine what life would be like had I stayed in Colorado. One thing is for certain, this choice has been one of the utmost steps of faith I've taken in my short life and it was a great decision. God has grown me so much through this change. At times I am surprised by how clearly His hand has led me and struck by the grace His has bestowed on me in the challenging times. And, it has been incredible to see His plan for our region unfold as He has caused growth and change in the lives of our staff and students.

Author Janet Hagberg writes, "We do not grow so much by effort or following a formula as we do by being open to the grace of God." When a friend shared this quote with me a few years back I remember the impact it had on my life. I am, by nature, a very formula-driven person. I want things to fit neatly together and to make sense. And, in my relationship with God, I want to feel like I'm measuring up and if I do the right things, then I can experience His grace in my life. If I've learned nothing else in the past two years, I have learned this: it's true, I've grown so much more by simply being open to God's grace in my life than by working hard to "earn" His acceptance. I don't have it all figured out and I've learned that He doesn't expect that from me. He simply wants my heart. In this new city where the rules were all very unfamiliar at one point, I saw that I needed to experience His grace. And, I've grown up in the process of embracing this reality. Its been really, really good.

Things I love about life in Boston:

1. Working in the city in a position where I can grow, with people I like and for a purpose far greater than myself.
2. The Charles River.
3. Friends I've made along the way (some who are still here, others who have already moved away [miss you Bryant's, Anderson's & Almaz!]).
4. Finale for dessert. Stephanies on Newbury for the occasional brunch. Solas/Elephant Castle/The Kinsale for good pub food. Sam LaGrassa's for the reuben. Sebastians/Cosi for a good salad. Naked Fish for seafood. Mariposa Bakery in Central Square for the best mocha I've yet to find in Boston. The list goes on and on! Food is a good thing...
5. My church! CityLife is gospel-centric and the people are authentic. I feel blessed to have "landed" there.
6. My apartment. If you've been there, you know why. I love it...
7. The city and the people in it. Boston is so diverse. I really appreciate seeing and interacting with people who are different than me.
8. The Public Garden in the spring and summer. Fenway anytime. The Boston Public Library in Copley... Oh, I have a book that's overdue... whoops!

I still listen to my favorite Colorado radio station online, miss my family and friends and long to see a sunset over the Rockies throughout the week, but I love my Boston life. Who knows how long I'll be here... When people ask I simply say, "Until the Lord tells me otherwise." In the meantime I hope to thrive and grow by being transformed by the gospel and loving God and others. Here's to the first two years of growth and change and the hope for a tremendous "Year No. Three." Cheers.

Where has the Time Gone?

Tomorrow marks week three in my return to Boston and life has been more busy and complicated than I would have thought. Futato! (That is for my Florida friends) Blogging has not been on the top of the priority list. To be honest, I haven't had much to say in the past three weeks for a number of reasons. Don't worry, life is good. God is good. If anything, I feel strongly that God used my time in Florida to prepare me for the things I would face upon my return to Boston. He is truly generous and gracious.

My friends Kyle and Emily sent me some photos from our time down south today and it reminded me of my desire to unpack some of what I learned there here on the ol' blog. One of the many things that I've continued to process is the reality of, if you will, God's bigness. I have enjoyed looking at the Bible as ONE story. The story of God's glory and our redemption from Genesis to Revelation. I have been encouraged as I have understood how much God truly loves people and in spite of His highness, He has chosen to come down to our level through the person of Christ, that we would know Him personally and have a relationship with Him. It is amazing to me that God would choose to reveal Himself to us in ways we can understand because He wants to have a relationship.

Now, these aren't new ideas or thoughts, but what has become more beautiful to me about these truths is seeing how it really matters and plays out in my life. In light of understanding who God is in light of His story, how much more do I desire to love Him, serve Him, trust Him and obey Him! After all, He is the only one who is worthy of my worship and of my life. Yet, I have many idols. I see this clearly in my life. It is frustrating at times to recognize that I fail to truly walk with God because I choose other things over Him. I have other priorities, I obey other masters and honestly, I am self-centered.

While away, I had many great conversations, but one that I'm still mulling over today. One night I was talking with a friend whom I have come to respect greatly about God's call to those who love Him in paraphrase: if you love Me, keep my commandments. He and I talked about how simple it seems to be... If I love God, I will keep/obey His commandments. Yet, living in light of this by choosing to obey is often a different story. What's interesting is that obeying God stems from a life that loves God. If you love Me... Obey...

One of the things he expressed really struck me and here's a little snipet of what I took away from it. In the church today we are very focused on the truth that Christ loves us. In fact, we talk about grace and mercy frequently. These things are true of the gospel. What is often left out however, is the reality that, coupled with grace, God calls believers to a higher standard. If we have indeed chosen Christ - we have a relationship with Him - we have embraced grace and mercy through His life, death and resurrection - we are called to be disciples. What does this look like?

Well, a lot of things actually. In the New Testament we see that Jesus promises suffering to those who follow Him. We are called to be like Christ, to grow, to willingly submit to Him and to one another. Now, don't get me wrong.... I'm not saying that we need to look for things like suffering, because honestly, God brings these things into our lives for the purpose of sanctification. God desires that we would be like Christ and it's not an easy process. BUT, it is a worthy process.

Moreso, as he and I continued to talk, it was neat to hear his perspective on desiring to love God and obey His commands. Isn't this what the Christian life is all about? God has done, continues to do, really, incredible things on our behalf. He is the Almighty. He is Sovereign. He has created all that we see and know. He sought a way to redeem us when we utterly turned away from Him so that we would not be utterly forsaken. He is life. He is King.

I reflect on these things and I cannot help but desire to love Him. He is so worthy of my love and devotion and not because of what He has done so much as because of who He is. His actions demonstrate the truth of who He is at the core. Obedience stems from this place of love for Him. Why would I want to disobey God when He has the best way? I mean, to disobey means that I think my way is better. I know more. I have the plan. But the truth is, I am broken because of my sin and realistically, I am finite. I don't know all. I am not all powerful. So, why would I desire anything else?

That's a great question. But, I do. This is the struggle of the Christian life. Why do I do what I do given that Christ has given me everything? Why? I'm torn between my flesh and the Spirit that dwells in me. Why does Paul tell us in Romans 6, "What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ²By no means! We died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³Or don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life."

I long to live this new life. I don't want a watered down faith that doesn't give me the full picture. I am forgiven. Christ did the work. He lived a perfect life, died a horrible death on that cross taking the sin of the world upon Himself and He rose again to bring new life. I need to live in light of this sacrifice. Loving God and obeying His commands. It still sounds simple and I know it's not.

Thinking it over these past weeks has caused me to consider once again the power of the Spirit-filled life. I am unable to do these things on my own and it's why Jesus sent the Comforter, the Holy Spirit, so that we would be able to live in light of our freedom and obey God. That we would choose rightly. Wisely. And, that in loving God, we would keep His commandments. I find that I'm encouraged to know that God desires for me to keep His commands and that He provides a way for me to do it. It's not a perfect process for me in life. I still sin. I fail. Yet, as I am being sanctified, I have hope. One day, I will be glorified. The sufferings of this present time will cease and I will meet Jesus face to face.

It's amazing. What a faith! What a hope!

I'm sure there is more to share and I'll try to do it sometime soon.

Goodbye Orlando, Hello Boston

4:00 AM Saturday morning came early (especially since I failed to sleep except for a brief 30 minute nap I took before meeting the taxi) and I found myself on the way to the Orlando airport. I was exhausted and sad as I left. I've included some pictures of the friends I've made. Undoubtably, there will be more at some point. Forgive me for not putting captions, but I figure you might like the "Where's Waldo-esq" search for me and others you may know... What an incredible month away! It was hard to leave it behind. Goodbye Orlando!

Flying back into Boston, my dear friends, Alex & Ging picked me up at Logan, brought me flowers, a Starbucks gift card and whisked me away to a fabulous lunch... Does it get any better than that? I have such AMAZING friends. And, I said "Hello" to Boston once again.

I feel like I'm still in a fog of adjustment and realizing, "No, Jess, it is not a dream." (Don't worry, I typically speak of myself in the third person.) It's probably funny to say this, but even in this haze, I can see that I'm changed somehow. God met me in such tremendous ways during my time away. I'm still processing through it, trying to make sense of it, yet enjoying the mystery for the moment.

I'm looking forward to what I'll uncover and as I said in my last post, anxious to share some of that with you. For now, it's good to be home, I am missing my Florida life and friends, and I'm excited to see what God has in store as I, once again, focus on where He has me.

Back to School

My life has been a little crazier than normal these past two weeks (if you know me and can even imagine :) )... When you think Winter Park, potentially, you think Colorado because it actually snows there, you can ski and it simply makes logical sense to call it that; but alas, I'm in Winter Park, Florida at present taking several seminary courses. Its been a balmy 80 - 90 degrees on average with high humidty and its rained almost daily - I'm getting used to it. The weather aside, I'm really enjoying my time here.

Last week, I completed my first two courses - Biblical Interpretation and Old Testament Survey. I have been tremendously challenged and encouraged through both. It feels like the Lord just handed me a gift of a month to be refreshed in unexpected ways, to delve deeply into His Word and to learn more about who He is and His love and plan for humankind. I've really appreciated the way God has shown me, through these classes, things that I have never known about Him before. To be honest, I have been surprised at times. Growing up in the church and embracing a personal relationship with Christ at a young age has afforded me a lot of "knowledge" about my faith and what the Bible tells me about who God is, yet this summer I've seen so many connections throughout the whole of Scripture that I didn't know existed. I hope to unpack that sometime soon on here. Its been really fun.

I'm finding some "down" time with friends that are here, as well. It has been such a blessing to process all I'm learning with these fellow staff members and to be away from life per normal for a while. I do miss Boston which continues to be a great realization. I'm thankful that I'm continuing to feel more and more at home there and will be excited to return in a few weeks.

Hopefully, I will move into more detail about some of what I'm processing soon, but for now I'll leave it at this: I'm experiencing a greater understanding of how Jesus Christ really is the prize. He's not a way to achieve what I think I need or want, but He is what I need and what I want. More on that later...

Fenway Pahk

June 11th marked my third trip to Fenway to watch the Sox since moving to Boston. Unfortunately, it wasn't their best moment in time, but I was in a box (courtesy of the wonderful people at the Sheraton), so I was handling the situation well. If you have ever been to Fenway, you know what a great ballpark it is. And, thanks to weeks of rain here in Boston, the field at Fenway was greener than ever (in comparison, the Green Monster even looked a little pale). Thankfully, the weather was gorgeous, the food was delicious (I had my "I'm at a baseball game hot dog") and the company unrivaled. Here are a few pics from the day.

Ry & Al enjoying their first game at Fenway

Al, Ging & I taking a break from the game for a photo-op

Alex focused on the game - I love this shot!

I'm so thrilled that Alex lives here!!

Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ: His Power

Last night after my meeting, I took some time to read John Piper's book, Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. What an incredible read. I will be delving into the book again in a few weeks as part of the coursework I am taking this summer, but wanted to get ahead of the game. The book, in its entirety, was challenging and I found myself wondering... Do I really see and savor Jesus Christ? Do I value him above all things? Do I understand his worth?

It was intriguing to reflect on the reality that he is the end all of all. He is the prize. Everything that I do as a believer is with this aim: to know the glory of Jesus Christ and to be satisfied in him. I find this both exciting and difficult. Why? Simply because it's tremendous to realize that my faith is not about me, but him; at the same time, this is an awkward truth because on one level or another I really want it to be about me.

One of my favorite sections of the book was Piper's chapter entitled, "The Waves and the Winds Still Know His Voice: The Power of Jesus Christ." I was moved by the prayer at the end and wanted to share it with you.

A Prayer

O Lord, the suffering in the world is so widespread and the pain is so great! Have mercy, and waken the souls of suffering millions to the hope of some relief now and unsurpassed joy in the age to come. Send your church, O God, with relief and with the word of the Gospel that there is forgiveness of sins through faith in Christ and that no suffering here is worth comparing to the glory that will be revealed to the children of God. Protect your church, Father, from callous thoughts about calamities that leave millions destitute, and protect her also from cowing to critics, like Job's wife, who cannot trust the wisdom and power and goodness of Christ in the midst of inexplicable misery. Oh, help our unbelief. Incline our hearts to your Word and to its assurances that you "work all things according to the counsel of your will" and that "no purpose of yours can be thwarted" and that you are doing good and acting wisely in ways that we cannot now even dream. Keep us in peace, O Lord, and forbid that we murmur and complain. Grant us humble and submissive hearts under your mighty hand. Teach us to wait and watch for your final and holy purposes in all things. Grant that we would "rejoice in hope" even when present circumstances bring us to tears. Open the eyes of our hearts to see the greatness of our inheritance in Christ, and send us with tender hands to touch with mercy the miseries of the world. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

When I read this, I felt like, "God, let this be true of my life as a believer" -- that I would consider the power of Christ in the present and seek to be a vessel of mercy and hope to a world that experiences such hardship and focuses on the negative. Can you imagine what the world would look like if we, the church, actually lived our lives like this? Imagine the power of Christ, of the Gospel, going out to the broken world we live in and how the world would change... How we would change. Now, that would be something.

Breathtaking Vermont

Yesterday I took my first trip to Vermont. All I can say is, "Wow." It is a strikingly beautiful place. Unfortunately, I did not have my camera with me, so I have no pictures to offer here. I must admit that although it is quite different from Colorado, it reminds me of home. Though, the mountains have much softer edges than the Rockies and are blanketed by gorgeous trees. I felt like I was in a painting. And, driving down the meandering roads, sunroof open, windows down, I thought to myself, "This is why turbo engines were invented." Let's just say that I enjoyed the time in my Volvo. I cannot wait to go back during peak foliage this fall.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my Bro! First to reach 30... Awesome.

Psalm 42 and 43

Here is the passage I spoke of in "The Causes and the Cures" post.

As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God? My tears have been my food day and night, while men say to me all day long, "Where is your God?" These things I remember as I pour out my soul: how I used to go with the multitude, leading the procession to the house of God, with shouts of joy and thanksgiving among the festive throng. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon -- from Mount Mizar. Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me -- a prayer to the God of my life. I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?" My bones suffer mortal agony as my foes taunt me, saying to me all day long, "Where is your God?" Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God."
Psalm 42


Vindicate me, O God, and plead my cause against an ungodly nation; rescue me from deceitful and wicked men. You are God my stronghold. Why have you rejected me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy? Send forth your light and your truth, let them guide me; let them bring me to your holy mountain, to the place where you dwell. Then will I go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the harp, O God, my God. Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
Psalm 43

The Causes and the Cures

Do you ever watch the lives of your friends, listen to what they say about what is really happening in their worlds and it takes you to a place of introspection where you think deeply about your own life and faith? This is where I have been the last few days. It has been an interesting process of wondering, grieving and being reminded of well, hope, really.

Life is challenging. We become comfortable in what can be referred to as 'the ideal', so much so that at times, I think we forget what is real. Perhaps we wish to please everyone around us. Maybe we wish that things would just go back to the way they were at a happier, or less complicated point along the journey.

Sometimes along the way, we look in the mirror and don't recognize or understand the person that we see. And, we wonder, "If I don't know, who else does?" It's a paradox. We want to be known, but we don't. We are afraid of being seen for what we are. Why? Well, I suppose there are millions of reasons. And yet, faith comes into question as we explore whom or what it is that we have become. What is it that I believe? Why aren't I free? Who am I? What does this mean for me? What does it mean to the world?

My question is: Why hide? How does that benefit you? How does that change the world?

On Sunday, my Pastor, Dr. Stephen Um, gave a tremendous message on spiritual depression. He focused on the text in Psalm 42 & 43 where the writer is distressed and questioning the very things that I have seen a couple friends dealing with in recent time. Perhaps I'll add another post and write out the full text in a moment. What is interesting to me about these two Psalms is the honesty and longing that is clearly portrayed in his words.

Dr. Um talked about causes and cures for spiritual depression and I wanted to write some of what he said here.

Causes for Spiritual Depression:
1. Community Deprivation
- Living life with a "tourist" mentality and not choosing to view oneself as a resident. Determining to be in exile, to refuse to initiate and engage with others by making a choice to live in exile. The question asked is, "Why invest?"

As I thought about this after church, I wondered... Why is this dangerous? We fail to remember the VALUE of community. We forget that we MUST choose to engage with others for our own benefit. When we remove ourselves from others by living in light of the 'ideal' (how I wish things were), rather than the 'real' (what is true and what choice I have to live my life in the midst of present circumstances), we experience loneliness and we aren't known. We're not giving others the opportunity to know us.

2. Lack of Employment
- Ultimately, our identity is not in what we do; however, if we view our lives as, or believe that the contribution we are making is, insignificant, we are prone to be despondent. For instance, if we find ourselves in a position where we didn't expect to find ourselves or do not want to be in for the long haul, we lose heart.

3. External Opposition from Adversaries or the Enemy
- Perhaps we find ourselves in a "season of accusation" where we feel we cannot win. Something is wrong on every side. There is potential to find ourselves asking,
"Why me?"
"Where is God?"
"Why have I been forgotten?"
And, eventually, we will buy into the lies. We will believe that God has forgotten us, that He doesn't care, that we have lost favor or love or any number of things.

Now, onto the cures. These are really insightful.

1. Stop Listening to Yourself and Start Talking to Yourself
- Preach the gospel to your own heart. You cannot let yourself set the agenda for what you will choose to believe (the ideal). Eventually, you will start believing yourself and of course you are going to be spiritually depressed, bitter, and discouraged. Allow the gospel to send the agenda. Ask, "What is in line with the gospel?" Take time to reflect on what is true.

2. Put Your Hope in God
- Jesus received utter loneliness, abandonment and was completely forsaken by taking on our sin and the brokenness of the world. He was ultimately opposed. Yet, He endured this so that we would not be utterly lonely, abandoned, forsaken, opposed or broken. There is hope.

3. Praise Him
- Christ did all of this on our behalf. He loved us that much to endure such suffering.

Dr. Um went on to say this, "This is the moment to engage, to speak to yourself... During spiritual deprivation." I thought this was so powerful in light of the things I'm seeing these friends endure. God has not forsaken them, forgotten them or lost hold of them. He is about the business of freeing them from the ties that bind.

This inspired me to hope this weekend. Knowing that God is big enough and completely faithful to engage in the process He has them in. What's more is that as I reflected on my life and faith I realized that the Lord has often met me in times like these. He has moved me from doubt, insecurity and bondage to freedom. And, with all of my heart, I believe He will do the same for them.

Cape Considerations

Yesterday, I made my first trip down to Cape Cod. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my job? I am trying to determine what venue will host a new conference my team is planning for next spring, so I headed down to look at a couple options. The hotel I stayed at last night was so gracious and generous... They gave me a room right on the ocean!

Last night, I tossed and turned. It was raining and I've been suffering from a head cold for a few days now that kept me up and blowing my nose frequently throughout the night. This morning, I awoke early to more rain. I was a bit disappointed since I was hoping to sit out on the deck or go for a walk and spend some time with the Lord. But, being the eternal optimist that I am, I made the best of it and went to the dining room for breakfast.

Sitting by the window, I looked out on the ocean which has taken on a cloudy blue-gray-green color this morning and just watched as the waves rolled to and fro. I'm always amazed by the ocean. I think it's one of the most beautiful and mysterious things that God created. Mostly, I'm intrigued by the reality of the creatures that live in it and how the water acts as a barrier and connection between continents. Pretty remarkable.

At any rate, while at breakfast, I took some time to read Psalm 27 and I Peter. In Psalm 27, I came across something I hadn't noticed before. David is talking about God's faithfulness throughout this passage and in verse 8 he says:

My heart has heard you say, "Come and talk with me." And my heart responds, "Lord, I am coming." NTL

This struck me. I really do believe that God desires for me to come and talk with Him. It is what having a relationship is about... Knowing Him and being known. This is done through communication. BUT, how often do I allow busyness or circumstance to distract me from doing just that.

The reason I took on the conferences role in my region was for a similar purpose... to allow students to get away from the distractions of daily life and meet with the Lord. It's funny how I forget my own need for this. And, here I am, working on another conference and being pulled away from my daily life to sit and read these words.

I went on to read I Peter, but went back and reread Chapter 1:18-21 where he writes,

For you know that God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life you inherited from your ancestors. And the ransom he paid was not mere gold or silver. He paid for you with the precious lifeblood of Christ, the sinless, spotless Lamb of God. God chose him for this purpose long before the world began, but now in these final days, he was sent to the earth for all to see. And he did this for you. Through Christ you have come to trust in God. And because God raised Christ from the dead and gave him great glory, your faith and hope can be placed confidently in God. NLT

I haven't read this passage from the New Living Translation before, but love the wording, "God paid a ransom to save you from the empty life..." Isn't that true? Without Christ, my life is empty. Honestly, I do think about that sometimes. What would I do if I didn't know Christ? I cannot imagine how I would have hope in this world. And, I am humbled and grateful as I reflect on the high price that Christ paid to bring me a confident hope. What's greater is that it's not all for me, but for every person who chooses to embrace Christ.

It's interesting... at breakfast, while reading all of this, a sweet guy from Jamaica was my server. He and I chatted a bit and I discovered that he just moved up to the Cape a few weeks ago to earn money for his family. They aren't with him... They're back home. He won't see them until December. And, he went on to tell me that his little four year-old continues to cry in his absence. Obviously, his sacrifice is not on the same level as that of Christ, BUT he is suffering for the sake of his family. He is trying to make a better way for them, so their lives won't be empty. When he dropped off my bill at the table, I opened the little folder-thing and on the inside cover he had inscribed, "Prayer." I don't know if he is a Christian, but I imagine that "prayer" is the way he is moving through this time away.

It is a good reminder for me today. One, to know that God desires to meet with me and two, that through His Son, Christ, I am granted access to do that. In a culture where we do view suffering as something to avoid, I find myself very grateful today for the suffering of one. Who, through His suffering, brought everlasting hope to a world where we do find ourselves living the empty lives we inherit from our ancestors. Praise God that there is more to this life.