Crossroads

Standing at a fork
competence or tenderness
strategies or relationships
directives or empathy

One moment I'm towering
seeing the gaps
suddenly overcome
I shrink into the white pleather chair
eating my yogurt

It's too much for today
I feel embarrassed and silly
yet I sit with it, feel it, ask for understanding

And no reprieve comes for this undercurrent of sadness
night after night padding from bedroom to couch
seeking rest in whatever package it's delivered in
sleepless, grieving, interceding
weak under its weight

Musings after midnight
my thoughts swirl back to my own story
do they care that I'm here?
would it matter if I left?
I know what I can do
I know what I can bring them
but my voice feels so small
crowded out by pigeon holes

Notice me
See me
Pursue me
my heart beats wildly, then fails

Missed again
my arms drop to my side
head hangs, shoulders droop
Missed again
  
Decide
which path will it be
Choose
one or the other?

Strong or compassionate
capable or teary
CEO or artist
leader or woman

CHOOSE

Straight ahead another road appears
between the fork it rises
light beckons me forward
a proposal...

Offer ALL of her...
even if they don't see you
Invite them...
even if they keep their distance
Persevere...
especially when you want to run away
Be HER.

**photo by my dear friend, the lovely Shannon of Vine & Light Photography