Thanks to Larry Crabb, I have vocabulary for it now. This season. These pieces of pain. Two freshly shattered dreams this month. The carpet won't change. I can offer who I am and cultivate the rest of the room, but the carpet stays. It feels like death. It is a death. Another one.
I think it could still be good. He promises good, so "think" likely falls short as a description. I wonder about the things He's pressed into my heart though. I wonder why. Perhaps they are for another place at another time. Perhaps this season is simply meant to be a time of preparation for the call into the enormous dream He's placed inside of me. Either way, I want to learn well. I want to lean in. I don't want to die clutching these smaller, shattered dreams.
So I release them. I feel the anger. I feel deeply misunderstood. I feel loss. I feel grief. I release it all.
After all, I serve at the pleasure of the King of Kings. I serve at the pleasure of the One called Faithful and True. I serve at the pleasure of the Lord of Lords. I praise You, Jesus. Lead on.
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