Your Love Never Fails

Life has been on the upswing lately. Really. Something has shifted and I'm looking at the world differently. I think it has a lot to do with love. Perhaps for the first time ever, I really know (like know in the bottom of my stomach down to the edges of my toes and back up again to the top of my head know-know) how the Lord loves me. He just does. It's simple. It's profound. I find rest here in His love.

So imagine my surprise as yesterday and today I'm walking around with some sadness. I mean, knowing how He loves me these days has made a significant impact on all the little and big things taking place inside of me and on the outside, too. But, then I started seeing this sadness there and I've been asking Him about it. Well, if I'm honest, at first I decided to ignore it, assuming it would pass. Then it was there again in the afternoon yesterday and last night as I drove home. I cried a little and asked Him why I was crying.

Today, I sat with my journal for a few minutes and wrote out three things I really want right now. The tears came again. I think I hit the sweet spot. (Or perhaps more appropriately, the tender spot.) I closed the pages sort-of quickly because I really don't want to cry today. I just want to enjoy this corner I've turned...sans the tears, you know? (Don't get me wrong--I'm all about the tears, but lately they've come from a place of peace or joy or understanding, not sadness...)

Turning around, there was my Bible on the sofa. Picking myself up and placing it on my lap as I sat down again, I opened it and these words (underlined by yours truly) flew off the page, "I will lead blind Israel down a new path, guiding them along an unfamiliar way. I will brighten the darkness before them and smooth out the road ahead of them. Yes, I will indeed do these things; I will not forsake them. But those who trust in idols, who say, 'You are our gods', will be turned away in shame." Isaiah 42:6-17

Then, my eyes skipped to the page on the left and I read more underlined words: "He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle. He will bring justice to all who have been wronged. He will not falter or lose heart until justice prevails throughout the earth." Isaiah 42:4

In the right-hand margin, I had written this... "He will lead me out of this..." 12.13.12

The Lord is so beautiful in the way He loves and provides for us. Reflecting on how this passage tells us about the coming Messiah, Jesus and goes on to celebrate God's goodness to His people, I cried for the third time since late last night. The truth is, He has walked me through a very painful wilderness season and I'm seeing it fade away into the distance behind me now. I've stepped into a new season, but I was reminded as I read these words today how even here, having been through all of that, there will be sadness. I really don't want to see that reality today. I want bubblegum and gumdrops and things that remind one to always be happy.

Yet, God in His goodness reminds me that my hope in Him is fruitful. If I put it in other things, 'idols' as the passage mentions, I'm going to be very, very disappointed. There are longings inside of me which provide me a unique opportunity: Will I move toward the Lord with them or move away? Will the longings and the lack I feel inside as they remain unfulfilled become my focus, or will I place my hope in Him?

If there's anything I've learned about longing in the past decade, it's simply how God desires to honor what He's put inside of me, but always in His way and His time. I must be faithful. I must move forward and steward the things in my heart I know are from Him. And, I must also wait. Waiting is hard. But He tells me how He's good. He won't crush me or my hope in this process. He won't give up on the good plans He has. He will bring justice to the places in my life where brokenness has wreaked havoc (and I've seen Him do just that these past eight months!). He won't forsake me. He never has. He doesn't fail.

So today, I'm choosing to feel this sadness. I picture myself cupping my hands together offering those three little (rather, one smallish, two rather enormous) items up to Him. I see Him smile and nod His head. How the Father delights in the way we choose to trust Him... I know I can do this now because He loves me. He loves me enough to tell me to rest and to wait as He brightens the darkness ahead of me, leading me on a smooth and unfamiliar path.