First Snow of the CO Season (Well, for me anyway)

The view from the end of my parents driveway last Sunday. Covered street sign, white sky, white fields. All in October. The day before it was 70+ degrees... It was fun to be home for a little Colorado weather!

Getting It

I am becoming convinced of something in my spiritual life. The reason I, we, often choose to walk in darkness is because we fail to understand the love of God for us. We do not grasp on a heart level that Paul's prayer for us is not only a nice notion to consider, but truth that we need to live in light of daily:

"Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. 18 And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. 19 May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." -- Ephesians 3:17-19

God's desire for us is completion. He wants to satisfy our every need and desire, yet we run from it. We long for it, yet it terrifies us. We want to experience wholeness and redemption and freedom, yet we flee from him. Why? When he is the Source of Life, Creator, Healer, Redeemer, Righteous One, Lover of our Souls; He is the King...

I am grieved by the choices I make in my life that contradict the trueness of his love for me. In the same way, for friends that "opt out" of their relationship with him because they have suffered or because they don't believe that they are strong enough to walk faithfully. The truth is, none of us are able to live the Christian life on our own. We need him! We need the power of his Spirit to guide and direct, lead us, change us and provide us with the ability to walk in the light. Paul reminds us of the folly of walking in our own strength:

"Oh, foolish Galatians! Who has cast an evil spell on you? For the meaning of Jesus Christ’s death was made as clear to you as if you had seen a picture of his death on the cross. 2 Let me ask you this one question: Did you receive the Holy Spirit by obeying the law of Moses? Of course not! You received the Spirit because you believed the message you heard about Christ. 3 How foolish can you be? After starting your Christian lives in the Spirit, why are you now trying to become perfect by your own human effort? 4 Have you experienced^[a] so much for nothing? Surely it was not in vain, was it?" -- Galatians 3:1-4

God so desires that we experience his love for us, love him and share that love with others. How can we walk with him when we think it's about us -- our circumstances, our needs, our desires? Don't get me wrong, God cares deeply about where we are and where we have been, yet he longs for us to know him, to be free from the things that bind us so that we might know his love and walk in light of it. Our lives are transformed as we do this and so are the lives of those around us.

Today I've been reflecting on the lives of people I care for tremendously. In thinking through choices they are making it reminded me of the way I run from God and I am deeply saddened by this reality. He is such a merciful, loving Savior. His love is great and he is so faithful to us even when we aren't faithful to him. How can I run from such an incredible Lord and Friend? How can they? I just feel such a sense of compassion towards the hardness of heart that exists in my life and that of others sometimes. We miss the point. He loves us. We can stand firmly in that love, secure and unwavering, because it's truth.

It is the love that changes our lives.

The Most Important Work

I've just completed the most important work I could have done today. Moments ago, our regional team gathered to pray as a part of our 40 day prayer and fasting focus that began today and ends on October 10th. We are trusting God to open doors like never before for the Gospel to go out on campuses in our region and across the globe.

It occurred to me while we prayed that I was accomplishing more in those 30 minutes than in my entire day of "to-do's." The reality is, however, I typically forget that God hears my prayers and desires to answer as I humbly approach him. I forget that prayer is powerful and that God acts as a result of my prayers.

I'm encouraged by the way God wants me to stand on behalf of others through prayer and fasting. Isaiah 58 is a great place to look to understand his heart. And, I'm excited for the things he has in store as our ministry links arms together to pray and fast with expectant hope that God will act.

Lord, change us. Enable us to humbly walk with you and intercede on the behalf of others that they might know your Son, Jesus. May we see spiritual revival on campuses around the world as we spend time devoted to this most important work. Amen.

The Overcomer

Wednesday morning found me on the T on my way to the office. I'm slowly finding my way back into my routine here in Boston and, to be honest, it hasn't been that easy. Thankfully, I have an amazing job and the people I work with care for me... I am "easing" into life and work. While on the T, I was reading in the Gospel of John and came to the end of chapter 16 where Jesus says to his disciples, "But take heart, because I have overcome the world."

He had just covered the work of the Spirit - telling the disciples that he was going to leave, but sharing the necessity of this - then the Spirit could come. He wanted them to have peace in knowing that the plan was bigger than what they saw (or would see). And then, he told them to take heart... He had overcome the world. They could serve, love and obey him unhindered.

For me, this hit home. I so appreciate that God knows what I need and provides for it. He looks beyond the circumstance, sees the big picture and tells me, "Jess, take heart, because I've overcome the world." He knows what is ahead, where I've come from and what is going on now. He "gets" it. He understands the brokenness around me and in me.

I'm coming to understand the greater reality that this is a large part of why he moved me to Boston. He wants me to want more of him; not just the things he offers or what he provides for me (including my salvation), but simply, wanting him. It's encouraging for me to reflect on this right now as I transition back and trust him with my life here on the east coast.

Farewell Colorado

Three months have passed since I've seen the Atlantic and, more specifically, Boston. I spent a portion of the weekend in Evergreen for the wedding festivities and took one last picture of my beloved Rockies before departing. Tomorrow I head back to my east coast home and life. I have mixed feelings about it, but God has done much in my heart this summer and brought me hope for my next steps there.

To be honest, it just seems a bit surreal to go back now. I wonder how it will be to return to the place He has called me. I've grown accustomed to Colorado (admittedly, this isn't hard to do) and will have to re-adjust to the city. Once again I leave people I love, a place I love and a life I love to follow the Lord. This time, however, I get to return to a familiar home, a dear community of friends and work that I know I'm called to which makes the "re-entry" easier. I think my hope and prayer in all of this is that I don't lose sight of where He has brought me this summer -- it was with great purpose and a place of greater depth -- and that I continue to walk in step with Him knowing that He will meet me where He has called me.

So, for now and once again, farewell Colorado...

Congratulations Kate & Trent!

I met Kate at CU her freshmen year. God has moved in and through her life in so many ways over the past few years. Not only has she invested in women here in America, but also in Russia and Spain. The scope of her influence is wide. And, in the process of sharing our lives with one another, we became great friends. It was such a blessing to stand with her on her wedding day (and, of course, in the days, weeks, months and years to come!) and celebrate God's gift to her... Trent becoming her husband and she, becoming his wife. God gives good gifts. Here is the happy and beautiful couple... Many congratulations and prayers for an amazing marriage and journey with the Lord in this new season! You are loved...

#4

Pictured above is the fourth, yes fourth, wedding bouquet I've caught in my lifetime. Honestly, for the past five or so years, I've taken a "break" from this portion of the wedding festivities I've participated in and this is the reason... I tend to catch the bouquet. And, as evidenced last night at my friend Kate's wedding, I still have the knack for it. Typically, I duck out or pretend not to hear the single female "call," but yesterday, I felt compelled to take part since I was part of the "Wedding Team" (thank you Franklin for that new phrase in my vocab) and because I love Kate. Here's to another wedding and another bouquet. :)

Why I Love Boulder...

My Non-Christian Christian Friend

Recently, I was hanging out with a couple friends and catching up on life. I don't know how we got on the topic, (isn't that how it always happens?) but at one point Shaun began telling us about his experience at church in North Carolina. He has been attending the Saturday evening service at a small church and upon a recent visit, the woman at the door greeted him by asking, "Oh, aren't you Shaun...?" She actually used his last name, too. He hadn't been attending this church for very long and really didn't know anyone.

Of course, we chimed in and said, "Well, did you fill out a comment card?" (We were thinking it might not have been that weird.)

He explained that, yes, he had filled out a comment card, but more importantly, when she said this to him, it occurred to him that he was probably the only new person. Interesting.

So, he continued telling us that he took his seat and the service commenced. Throughout the message, Shaun noticed that the Pastor was frequently speaking directly to him, especially when he was talking about those who might be investigating the Christian faith.

Let's pause here. Shaun is a believer. He grew up in a Christian home, was heavily involved with CCC in college, loves the Lord and has compassion for those who don't know Jesus.

So, every few minutes the Pastor would look at Shaun and speak about knowing Jesus. At the end of the message, the Pastor indicated that he was going to pray a prayer and that if anyone (again, looking at Shaun) was interested in knowing Jesus, he/she could pray with him.

At that point, Shaun looked at his watch and realized he must leave to meet a friend with whom he'd made dinner plans. Yep, right in the middle of the prayer he stood up and left, knowing that they probably thought he "wasn't ready" to engage in a relationship with Jesus.

I can just imagine the prayers of the church staff... "Lord, please bring Shaun back to church and Lord, please help him to come to know you." Hopefully Shaun will introduce himself to the Pastor sometime soon...

Kinko's: Full of Kinks

Yesterday I was helping my friend, Kate with her wedding programs. We did the design, proofed the file and headed to our neighborhood Kinko's to get them printed. Seems like a fairly normal thing to do, yes? It was a debacle.

When we arrived, we asked the staff to print the programs, fold and staple them together. Something we thought Kinko's did for customers. Instead of doing so, they directed us to the computer stations to print our own programs indicating that they would fold and staple them once we were finished with the printing.

We then asked where we might print the program from Publisher. They directed us to a computer. Kate inserted her credit card and was being charged online time, only to discover that Publisher was not available on this particular system. We mentioned this and the staff informed us that Publisher was not on that computer. Very helpful.

Once we figured out the computer stuff (there is much more to the story at this point, but I'm skipping ahead to save time), we indicated that we wanted them printed digitally (not copies of the original copy). They informed us that it would be around $2.00/each, but that the machine they would use to do so was broken. After over an hour in the store, we left without any programs.

We left. We went to Xpedx and purchased paper and then headed to the UPS Store and opened the file. They printed the programs on our paper, double-sided, folded and stapled (the machine did all of the work!). It took a little over 30 minutes. They charged us $0.16/each. We saved over $300. Remarkable.

Staff Conference Snippet

Steph, Megan, Ally, Joanna, Me

CM2007 (stateside) and our US Staff Conference just ended. Certainly, there is much to process, but I lack time and energy at present. It is hard to believe how quickly the summer is passing! Life up north was wonderfully exhausting these past few weeks... Well, maybe minus the dining hall and non-air-conditioned dorm experience...


A friend asked yesterday, "What was your favorite part of the conference this year?" My response mirrored those of the other three women to which the question was presented... People!!


It was such a joy to spend a couple weeks with some of my best friends on the planet. It reminded me of the love I have for the Campus Crusade staff community. It's like a big family and there were many people to connect with, share life and process all of the things that God is doing in, through and around us. I love that I get to walk with Jesus and serve Him with such amazing people. I so appreciated the q-time with these cherished women... Love you Al, Ally, Angie, Em, Erin, Joanna, Megan! And, so happy to have brief catch up sessions with you Andrea, Becky, Christine, Claire, Kim, Jilliebean, Shelley, Tawny!!!... We need more time!... I'm SO blessed by the Lord because you're my friends.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye...

VSP is over... Well, over for the staff. The students remain there trusting God to move in their lives and through their lives. It's an exciting time for them and I can't wait to see all that He does.

Yesterday, I drove away from our staff retreat in Steamboat and cried most of the way to Silverthorne. Saying goodbye has never been my strong suit - especially when it is meaningful to me personally. I tend to get quiet and lose my words even as I feel loss deeply. (If you know me, you know this is a big deal! :)) I would say that God restored part of my heart that has been "missing" the past couple of years in Boston this summer. He allowed me to open up, enjoy Him, enjoy others and ultimately, let people in to see who I am again.

As I continue to process it, I know that I've withheld part of myself in Boston. Our staff team shared highlights from the summer on Saturday night, and I said (probably not for the first time) that I hadn't laughed so much in two years. It was so freeing, refreshing, encouraging, yet it didn't lack challenge. The Lord brought up some things in my life - patterns that I have in relationships and how I view Him - and I realized something important... I've grown. God has brought a greater sense of balance and hope to my heart in those places and I saw it tangibly at play this summer. And, this person that I've "rediscovered" needs to go back to Boston and live it out there now.

Today, of course, I am heartbroken to be away from these friends that became so dear to me in such a short period of time. I am sad that we're no longer living life together in Vail and that we've all gone our separate ways. This was my favorite project team to date and I so wish that we could have had more time. And, isn't that the case in our lives when we experience something so good? I reminded myself this morning that God created us for this kind 0f community - that was His plan! - and why should I be surprised when I grieve its loss.

I want to say thank you... To the Lord, of course for His tremendous love and provision in my life and to our team for loving, enjoying, encouraging, praying for, believing the best about, serving and challenging me. Amy, Beth, Brett, Chance, Darci, Demarick, Jenade, Jo, Liz, Luke, Mike and Phil, I will miss working with you day in and out and am hoping and praying for His very best in your lives in the coming days, weeks, months... You are dear to me and I am so grateful for you!

And, as an aside, you are always welcome in Boston! ... For vacation or feel free to move there. :)

And, the Rest of the Story

Fast week 2007. We challenged our students and staff team to take a corporate fast based out of Isaiah 58. There, we find an explanation of fasting that pleases God. The most substantial lesson I learned as we prepared for this fast and studied this passage was the outward focus of the fast itself. It's for others. No doubt that we experience blessing in the midst of a fast, yet God desires for us to sacrifice on behalf of others -- to break the binds of wickedness, undo heavy burdens, free the oppressed, break every yoke, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, bring those in who have no shelter.

I was amazed at the lesson God taught me as I entered into this fast. Although it wasn't my first fast, it was my favorite. I appreciated the opportunity to pray for the people of the Vail Valley and invite the Lord to do the things listed in Isaiah 58 in their lives. In fact, as the week went on, our students saw first doors opening for kingdom conversations at work. It was exciting to see God move in the lives of our students, staff and residents of the Valley.

My week took an unexpected turn three days into the fast (Wednesday). A dear friend, Kate came to visit me and we spent some time walking around Vail Village and catching up. Just the day before, I shared with the staff team that I felt at peace, refreshed and encouraged in the midst of the fast. I was tired, but ultimately, I felt great. My friend and I made our way to Starbucks in the Village to grab a drink and as soon as I paid at the register, I looked around the store and everything looked really strange. I began to experience nausea and thought I might throw up. I made my way to the restroom and almost passed out while waiting in line.

Several minutes later, I composed myself and headed back out to meet Kate. I sat down at the table and felt weaker than I'd ever been in my life. I told her that I should probably eat something, but couldn't even do that. Finding myself back in the restroom, I began experiencing tremendous pain in my abdomen. I spent a while in there and finally made my way back into the cafe. At this point, I told Kate that I felt that I needed the paramedics and that we should call the project Operations Director for help.

Shortly thereafter, spread out on a comfy chair with my legs up on another, our Ops guy arrived and then the paramedics. I was in such pain that I kept my eyes closed to avoid taking in anything else that I'd need to process - I needed to focus on breathing through the pain. I remember hearing someone say, "Is that our girl?" Then, he was kneeling near me asking if there was any possibility of pregnancy... Nope... Eyes still closed. After a few minutes and hearing more people enter the store, I opened my eyes to see Ryan from the Bachelorette kneeling beside me! He was the one asking the questions and checking my vitals! He was very kind, as were most of the other paramedics and Vail fire personnel.

Essentially, I told them that I had been fasting - they didn't look pleased, but I had been taking good care of myself with plenty of water (between 96 and 128 oz. per day). They took me to the hospital saying that I was dehydrated, but interestingly enough, didn't think enough of it to give me an IV. On the way out of Starbucks, I discovered the Fire Chief offering his arm and helping me to the ambulance. He told me that my blood pressure was 90/60. No wonder I couldn't move! :)

At the hospital, they ran some tests, discovered some things and ordered a CT Scan. Nothing looked abnormal, so they sent me home with some short instructions. It was a most adventurous day. What is most interesting about all of it to me is the fear I experienced in the midst of the pain and low blood pressure. I remember praying, "Lord, I'm so scared, I need you to help me. I can't do this." I've never been so afraid in my life.

Later, I thought back to a dream I had on Sunday night at the onset of the fast. Without going into detail, the dream left me awake in the middle of the night experiencing a tremendous sense of fear. I knew when I came to my senses that this was a spiritual dream and that this fear was not from God. As I thought about the circumstances that transpired in Starbucks, I knew that this was no ordinary situation. For one, my condition changed as if someone had flipped on a light switch. One moment I was totally fine, the next I was about to pass out. The fear associated with what happened caused me to consider that this situation was, much like my dream, very spiritual.

At the end of the day, I recognized God's goodness in caring for me in the midst of the fear. I knew that he allowed this to happen for a reason and that our corporate fast would not be well received by the enemy. It's not often that I recognize spiritual warfare, but there was and is not a better explanation. In and through it all, I experienced the Lord's presence. And, we have continued to see God's work as a result of this fast. My prayer has been and continues to be that God would truly free those who are bound in the Valley. That many people would know the freedom that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and, that they would experience literal healing, freedom and provision in their lives.

What does it look like for me to come alongside those who are hurting? I will continue to ask this question. I trust that God will continue to show me. It is a blessing to know him...

Winding Down

Hard to believe it, but our time (as staff) in Vail is just about to end. It has been the most rewarding, encouraging and refreshing few weeks that I have experienced in quite a while. I feel so grateful to God for the gift he has given me in this summer assignment.

The past few weeks have been full since my last post. We've hiked, rafted, sought to connect with people in the Valley, fasted (story to come in another post), experienced great connection through our men's/women's weekend, shared our faith, prayed and truly, we have seen God move.

In fact, I am taking a minute to type while we wait for our adventure race teams to come back to "home base" - today we've sent students and staff out to do about 30 miles of swimming, hiking, biking and taking part in mental challenges as well. I was along the course for a while and am taking a minute to breathe while they work their way back home. I do like my job. :)

Here are some photos of recent times with these new friends...

Me and Darci out in Vail Village

Jenade, Chance, Me & Darci out in the Village

The women of VSP 2007 - head of the Gore Creek Trail

Candy & Me on the Gore Creek Trail - she's such a sweet student!

Shannon, Lyndsey, Angela and Jo at the Whailer's Concert
Jenade, Chance and Me at the Whailer's Concert

Vail!

(Me, Chance, Luke & Jenade in Vail Village)

What could be better than spending the summer (at least a good portion of it) in Vail, Colorado with a team of tremendous staff, loads of fun students with a purpose greater than all of us combined? Nothing, quite honestly, in my opinion. :) I'm having an incredible time and although I'm quite busy, the change has felt more like vacation than work. That's a good thing.

And, I remember... I love my job.

This summer, we're engaging with the people in the Vail Valley in some unique ways. We're trusting God to work in our lives and through our lives to bless the community, grow us in our faith and open doors for us to talk about the Kingdom. Our focus and prayer is that we would be a humble group of people that really seek to have the attitude of Christ (Philippians 2:5). We so desire to serve and love on those around us. We are asking God to connect us with people who are on a spiritual journey (all people, really) so we can come alongside them in that process and we're hoping and praying that many people will meet Jesus and understand, on a heart level, the love of God through him in their lives today.

I'm so blessed and thankful for this time away from the routine of the city to encounter the Lord, enjoy his creation (people and the gorgeous Rockies), and spend some time really listening to his voice this summer. How awesome to be back home, training these staff and students and enjoying the Lord.

Some highlights:

Teva Games - We spent the afternoon talking with people in Vail about life and spirituality.



The Samples - I am old, officially. When I shared my enthusiasm with our students that The Samples would be playing in Vail Village during the Teva Games, I received blank stares in response. I, however, enjoyed part of the show and returned to my "youth" for 45 minutes. :)



Snow! - Yep, you read that correctly! June 7th & 8th, we awoke to find snow flying outside of our condo windows. Yesterday, during a hike with our staff team, we couldn't believe our eyes as part of the mountains were hidden behind a snowstorm! It was awesome and we were a little chilly. Pictures to come later. My batteries died.