Change occurs when the pain of staying the same exceeds the pain of change.
It has taken me months to get here and thankfully, I've arrived without the anger I've felt so strongly for a good majority of the year. Seriously, that alone is an incredible blessing. I'm stepping out into a new adventure where not everything is shifting, but tangibly some things will be changing in the near future. Perhaps most notably, my perception of all I've walked through has been adjusted. It's not that the challenging aspects of the environment I've been part of have been addressed. Honestly, they really haven't been dealt with on so many levels. But, I have taken a look at myself and made decisions about what I'm willing to live with as I've taken it all into account.
Blame-shifting isn't an option here. I make my own choices and I am responsible for myself. It feels good to see this and acknowledge it. Of course, I haven't sought to make these decisions about next steps without the Lord; rather, I've seen Him allowing me the opportunity to look at my life and choose how I want to cultivate it into the things He's placed inside of me to become and to do. It's so, so good.
I guess I write this tonight because I've noticed in the past week how free I've felt. I've laughed so much. I've had a regular smile replacing the furrowed brow of a long, hard season. Things and people which have occupied my mind have been released to be where they are and where they're going -- I cannot control them, after all. And, on top of it, not only have I noticed the change, but two friends (the likes of whom I haven't seen in 4-5 months) both commented on how different I look. What God has been doing in me has become noticeable to others and I just feel so full of gratitude for this reality.
Further investing in my city is a dream on the horizon. I don't yet know what form this will take as I venture out taking new steps towards Orlando, but I'm excited. I feel hopeful and as I've mentioned before, I sense my joy returning. This time, I actually see it happening... I'm so thankful.
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