Leaps & Bounds

Tomorrow I am flying away to one of my favorite places to see some of my most beloved people. I can count the number of times I've traveled for Thanksgiving on a couple of fingers, so this is a bit unusual for me. But they said, "Come!" and I said, "Maybe?" And then there was a ticket which cost such an astoundingly small amount of money (as tickets go, you see), so I HAD to...

I've been reflecting a little today about my life there and how the years here now just about equal those there. It's strange. Many things have changed which is likely unsurprising, but it still surprises me a little. I've been on such a journey trying to understand who I am these last several years (count them, there are a few). Here I am nearing the end of 2013 and I'm finally sensing I understand some of it.

What I've gone through to arrive here hasn't been lost on me. The process of this present year alone has sent me leaps and bounds ahead in the journey because so much pain required me to change. I couldn't stay the same any longer. This time, the change is much, much deeper though. I have a view of who I am and who I want to become and for perhaps the first time in my life, I'm unwilling to allow other voices to determine my next steps.

I've learned how people don't necessarily know better. I've learned how people can have their own agendas and when those don't blend with what I sense I'm supposed to walk in, I can let them and the way they'd like for me to behave or think go away in love. And, I've learned how I've idolized them in the past and failed to put my faith soundly where it should be. For this I've sought repentance by walking in light of the truth. It's so good. (And hey, it's also really hard to see these things about myself, so there's that...)

I'm happy to fly away tomorrow. I'm happy to have space and breathe the really cold air and be with people who have loved me and been for me for years and years and years. I'm happy to walk in old places I found significant. I'm happy to view all of it from these lenses... Newly adjusted. I'm not the same woman I was then--at the start nor at the end. I'm so glad that's true. I only hope to continue to be the very best version of myself there now and then bring her back here with me. This sounds dramatic... I'm only going for a short time, after all. But, I really mean it because there's so much more change to come in these coming weeks and months. I want to live with courage and live these precious moments I'm given with such truth and hope and love.

It's a joy to be on my way...