Move Forward

My friend sat across from me tonight and before the dialogue really started, the tears streamed down my face. He was kind and asked me what was going on. "I'm nervous," I replied. "Why?" he asked. Shrugging my shoulders, I let more tears fall. Lord knew if I opened my mouth there would be no stopping them. He generously continued the conversation and then my words came back.

What would I want to do if the structure of it didn't matter, if money wasn't a consideration and if I could just do what is in my heart to do? I listed out a number of things as I answered this question. I started breathing easier again and feeling cautiously excited.

The weight of things which have felt so heavy recently lifted. There's still more to iron out, but the Lord, through this friend, began making a pathway forward into the things I sense Him inviting me to do. I felt relief. I felt encouraged. I felt loved.

Not only that, but I saw how it is actually bigger than me. (I mean, of course it is!) God has been cultivating forward-direction in other people around me along similar lines. These ideas aren't just "ideas" it seems. In actuality, it appears God has been moving people together in a common direction and the pieces of my heart which feel alive as I consider a different focus in my work? Well, they line up with these other notions.

I feel humbled by this reality tonight. I feel nervous about stepping into freedom to pursue what is inside of me. But, I feel alive in the face of the uncertainty of what it will look like. Tired; but alive.

And for tonight, I've told myself to rest. I'm trying not to "go there" when it comes to understanding how several different paths and ideas I've been considering, including this one, come together moving forward. Do they? I wonder...

For now, I think I just need to see the blessing of God's goodness to me in the questions I've had and the restlessness I've experienced. Because tonight, I have more clarity on the immediate next step and it's a gift. An enormous and lovely gift.

Plus, isn't it just like the Lord to bring a friend along to help see even more than what I thought possible in the first place? It is indeed. He is so kind.